


Ghosting (Wish I Could See You Because I Can't See Me)

by Tae2Junnies



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends Choi Beomgyu & Choi Soobin, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fighting, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kang Taehyun is a Sweetheart, Kinda, M/M, Mention of Death, New Student Taehyun, Secret Identity, Self-Esteem Issues, Siblings Choi Beomgyu & Choi Yeonjun, Started As A Zoom Class AU Then It Just Got Out Of Hand, Zoom Class AU!, its good, lots of crying as well, lots of kisses, the fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:02:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 23,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27901954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tae2Junnies/pseuds/Tae2Junnies
Summary: Beomgyu’s heart was pounding.“And in any ways Beomie… You’re not a shadow. Your best friend and brother might be the sun, but you’re a star. You might not be shining as bright at them, but people will always be mesmerized about you in different and more beautiful ways. I know I am.”The last sentence was hushed so lowly that Beomgyu thought he had imagined it.Everything that Taehyun had said made him feel so much better and see things differently but somehow at the moment, none of it mattered.He felt so much at the same time.Sadness.Confusion.But somehow the feeling that overpowered all the hurt he was still feeling was extreme fondness and pure adoration for this beautiful boy.This beautiful faceless boy.Or:Beomgyu is swimming through life's hurdles, living in the shadow of his brother, counting (maybe a little too much) on his best friend and sometimes the weight of life can feel a little like drowning.Fortunately he met Kang Taehyun during an online class.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun, Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 47
Kudos: 231





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [EasyInfires98](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EasyInfires98/gifts).



> Hey lovelies I'm back with some taegyu this time.  
> This is dedicated to Meg. You inspired me to write some fluffy taegyu because damn, this ships suffer too much on AO3, all this angst in the fics (not that we don't love it).  
> The problem is that I FELL INTO THE TRAP  
> so enjoy some fluffy and angsty Taegyu
> 
> PS: I didn't realize until 8K words that this oddly looks like the movie the edge of seventeen. oh welp ;D
> 
> ENJOYYYYYYY

Quite honestly, Beomgyu was tired of online classes.

At first, he tried to see a silver lining to this situation. At least, he didn’t have to wake up at the crack of down to go to school. Since he had classes at 8AM, he could wake up at 7:55PM and he would still be available to listen to his teachers’ monotonous voices.

And although his body thanked him every day for allowing it to have forty-five more minutes to sleep, sometimes it still felt like it wasn’t worth it. First of all, his teachers insisted that they turned on their cameras and that’s just very annoying in itself. Nobody liked to show their half-asleep face of despair each morning. Plus, somehow, they always asked for _him_ specifically to turn it on, letting some students off the hook.

Maybe it was because of his brother.

As soon as his teachers found out that he was Choi Yeonjun’s little brother, they just _had to_ put a face on the name. Since he started his senior year and that his brother left for college, it was like his teachers were all evaluating if perfection ran in the family or if it was just a Yeonjun thing. Two months had passed since back to school and Beomgyu was surprised that they hadn’t caught on the fact that it was _indeed_ a Yeonjun thing.

No, Beomgyu wasn’t perfect. He was himself. And it took quite some time and self-convincing to realize that it was just fine this way.

Some had more trouble dealing with it, though.

“Choi Beomgyu? I asked you a question.”

Ah, yes. He was cursing online classes internally for a reason.

History class.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Kim,” he said to his screen. His teacher was staring at him sternly. The gallery mode of his zoom session showcased his classmates sporting varying degrees of tiredness and boredom on their faces and quite frankly, Beomgyu understood them.

“Your mic is off, Beomgyu.”

Right.

He clicked on the little mic icon and cleared his throat, “I was apologizing for zoning out. I’m sorry, but I don’t know the answer.” He said politely, his voice cracking from misuse. He hadn’t spoken since the night before, when he was on a call with his best friend Soobin.

His teacher shook his head slightly, “I know times are difficult right now, but I expect you to be focused and responsive like you would be if we were face to face.” He lectured quietly and Beomgyu could just nod apologetically because even if online classes were annoying Mr. Kim had been nothing but patient with Beomgyu and his class since the beginning of the semester, even when his classes are on Monday morning and everyone is half-dead from the load of homework they all cram for the night before.

“Anyways, you’ll see the answer fast enough, because we’re going to study this topic in depth starting from today.” Mr. Kim added, and Beomgyu muted his mic on instinct while his teacher continued “Speaking of such, I decided that I was going to change the format of the class while we treat of this subject.”

That caught Beomgyu’s attention.

“I’ve been monitoring what you guys were receptive to since the beginning of the school year. I know that online classes aren’t the best way to focus, and you being in senior year doesn’t help one bit, with the workload you hold. You barely have time to interact with your classmates, from what I’ve heard.”

Beomgyu raised a single eyebrow. It was true that he never really had been able to entirely focus on this new format of class. The simple fact that his teacher had noticed it and wanted to do something a about it was already a huge change compared to his other teachers who just didn’t seem to care.

“That’s why for the next month, you’ll work on this topic in groups.”

The whole class collectively groaned. Well, at least those who had their mics on. You could see the groaning faces on the ones who were muted though.

“I know, I know. It sounds bad now.” Mr. Kim chuckled, “But that’s only because you didn’t take the time to get to know your classmates. This exercise can be great to help you bond and I also know for a fact that having you work alone on history topics makes you retain information better than me just drawling over it for three hours straight.”

In theory, Mr. Kim wasn’t wrong. After all, all of his friends were spread in the three other senior classes. It was like the school direction had planned ahead to separate them all and Beomgyu was a little bitter over it, that he could admit. Maybe that’s why he made little to no efforts to interact with his classmates since the beginning of the year. He would just facetime Soobin during the lunch breaks and after “school” and text Jeongin and Chenle almost all day long. It was annoying not to see them as often, but at least he held contact with them almost every day. It wasn’t ideal but it worked. He didn’t need more. 

Mr. Kim seemed to think otherwise, though.

“You’ll see that this experience will be better than our normal classes.” His teacher smiled and Beomgyu huffed quietly.

The class proceeded as his history teacher explained what they were to do and answered some questions that were asked on the zoom’s chat.

It went on for thirty more minutes then it was time for a small break, since the class was three hours long. It barely felt like a break since he was still in his room in front of his computer whilst waiting for the class to resume, but Beomgyu decided to text Soobin in the meantime since the older was most likely on his break as well.

**To: Sooobs**

**Yoooo**

**My History teacher decided to do some group works from now on lol**

**I don’t know how to feel about it tbh**

Beomgyu sat up from his desk chair to go watch himself in the mirror. He winced at the reflection. As expected, he looked tired and his dirty blond moss of hair was a mess. He took the beanie that was resting on haphazardly on his bedroom floor. He looked a little better after that, but nothing could fix his eye bags. Oh well.

He walked at the other end of the room to get some water from the bottle stash he kept in his mini fridge. His brother had bought it for his 18th birthday and Beomgyu still remembered how tight he had hugged him as a huge thanks.

His phone buzzed few seconds after retrieving the cold water bottle from the shelf.

**From: Sooobs hyung**

**Lmao**

**Good luck**

**Those are the worst**

**To: Sooobs hyung**

**How so?**

**Should I even believe you? You are one dramatic fella Soobin-ssi**

**From: Sooobs hyung**

**Hey!**

**Im a normal fellow*, mind you!**

**What I meant is that I had group works in econ class**

**THE WORST EXPERIENCE EVER**

**We just didn’t agree on most stuff, we had different views and obvi you had your slackers that just didn’t do shit**

**It was quite frustrating**

**Glad it’s over now lmao**

**How many are you in your group?**

Beomgyu gulped as he answered his best friend.

**To: Sooobs hyung**

**We’re supposed to be three per groups**

**And great... I’m freaked now**

**Ugh… I hate history**

**From: Sooobs hyung**

**Sucks to be you lmao**

**And Hey! You have Kim Seokjin-ssi as your teacher!**

**He’s dreamy~**

**Don’t you dare complain of this class! I have Mr. Min…**

**To: Sooobs hyung**

**Mr. Min is kinda cute too though**

**From: Sooobs hyung**

**I mean**

**Yes obvi**

**But idk, he’s so demanding but will have the straightest and sternest expression while doing it**

**It’s unsettling sometimes bro**

Beomgyu chuckled at his best friend’s words. Then he heard shuffling from his computer. The break was already over, he sighed internally.

**To: Sooobs hyung**

**All you do is complaining hyung lol**

**Class is starting again though**

**Ttyl boo**

**From: Sooobs hyung**

**Eww don’t call me boo**

**(ttyl babe)**

Beomgyu smiled and locked his phone before turning back to his computer and turning on his camera per his teacher’s request.

Mr. Kim clapped and said, “Alright everyone, I’m going to break out in the groups I assigned you to. Since you’re 32 in this class, there will be ten groups of 3 and a single group in pair. The pair will have a topic a little less complicated, but I still expect all of you to do your best and be thorough in your research and analysis.” He warned them and some people nodded other just wrote “yes” in the chat box. “I already sent you an e-mail with your group members and the aspects of the topic you’ll be studying on.” Just as he said that Beomgyu’s phone buzzed signaling him that he had received said email. “You’ll be in the group room until the end of the session, so I expect you to be serious and disconnect only once the class will be finished. I’ll know if you exited the session before.” Mr. Kim said pointedly and Beomgyu wondered how often students must have done that to make him so careful.

Oh, well. He didn’t plan to do it anyways. Mr. Kim answered a question that was posted on the chat and Beomgyu used that small moment of distraction to check the e-mail. Once he had his Gmail app opened, he clicked on the most recent n and then clicked on the pdf file that presented a table with the names and the topics.

**Topic: The Joseon Dynasty: the history and legend of Yi Songgye.**

**Group 11: Choi Beomgyu & Kang Taehyun.**

Beomgyu sighed in relief. His topic was okay, he had already read a little about Yi Songgye few months ago because his mother liked to collect History books since she was young and Beomgyu had been bored.

The name Kang Taehyun didn’t ring any bell, which was weird. Because for all the lack of socializing he (hadn’t) experienced with his classmates, enough time had passed for him to at least know their names. All of his teachers tried to make them participate, too. So how was it possible he hadn’t heard of this Kang Taehyun?

His teacher cut his thoughts short, “Alright everyone, I’m breaking you in your groups. If you have any question, just message me on the chat box and I’ll come in your session.”

Then, his teacher’s pretty face disappeared, and he was automatically redirected to his online group room.

Few seconds later he was blinking at a black screen that had the “KT” initials written in bold.

Beomgyu shuffled a little on his desk chair, a little uneasy for some reason.

“Hi, I’m Choi Beomgyu.” He said with a small smile.

He was answered with silence, the initials on the black screen still mocking him.

“Huh…” he started again, “Can you hear me?”

No answer again. He frowned at the silence this time.

He checked at the top of his computer and saw that his camera was on; his eyes shifted at the corner left and saw that his mic was off, though. _Ah_.

He switched it on and tried again, “Hello?”

“… Hello.” A voice suddenly said quietly. It was quite soft and had a lilt. Beomgyu’s ears perked at the sound.

“I’m Choi Beomgyu.” He introduced himself again for good measure.

“… Yeah, I know.” The voice – Taehyun- said quietly again. It was weirdly soothing, that voice.

“Oh?” Beomgyu let out in question.

“Yeah... It’s written at the top of the screen.”

Oh. Of course, it was. Beomgyu felt a little dumb.

“Besides. We’re in the same class.” Taehyun added and if Beomgyu wasn’t mistaking there was some mirth at the edge of his words.

“Yeah… It’s weird but I feel like I’ve never seen you before.” Beomgyu admitted despite himself because _damn_. It was so odd he had never heard of this classmate of him, “It might be just me not paying attention though.”

“My camera is always off. So maybe that’s why you’ve never seen me.”

Beomgyu smiled a little at the teasing answer. “That’s not what I meant, though—”

The smallest chuckle interrupted him and Beomgyu’s smile broadened a little because it was quite a nice chuckle.

“I know, I’m just teasing. I’m actually new in the class. I got here three weeks ago. I think some teachers said that you were sick during that week? So maybe that’s why you didn’t see them introduce me.” Taehyun explained softly, and _oh_. It made so much more sense. Taehyun had gotten there during Hades’ week.

Hades’ week is what Beomgyu had called the week he was bed ridden because of how sick he was. He had high fever and was coughing like a fifty-year-old smoker. His stomach could barely handle any type of food that wasn’t soup and water and his chest hurt so much that it felt like the Greek God of the underworld Hades was permanently sitting on it. His mother had given him that image to measure the pain and the name had just stuck with his family after that.

After he came back to class, his teacher had welcomed him warmly, but he was still a little sick, so maybe that’s why he hadn’t paid attention to the new addition to their class.

“Yeah, that week was horrible. I was super sick.” He winced at the memory of him barely being able to breath without is chest burning “Sorry, I wasn’t there to welcome you.” He said jokingly, “How are things so far? Where were you before?”

“It’s okay. And I moved from Seoul, I guess you can hear it in my accent.” Taehyun answered softly and it was true that his accent was quite distinctive, but Beomgyu barely paid attention to accents anymore. He was from Daegu after all, nothing could top off his accent - that he had to get rid off because of how much has getting teased in middle school.

“Oh, that’s nice!” Beomgyu said back cheerily, “Wasn’t it too hard to move in the middle of the year like that though?” he asked casually, as though it could be a loaded question. Lord knew how hard it had been for him when his family moved from Daegu when he was 10 years old. Eight years had passed, and he still missed it dearly.

“It was quite surprising because I only had a two-week notice… But I’ll get used to it, I guess.” Taehyun answered and as predicted his voice held more than what the casual words indicated. That upset Beomgyu more than what he had anticipated.

“Well, if you need someone to help you, I’m always available. If you haven’t notice, I’m the teacher’s default dumpster student.”

Taehyun snorted and Beomgyu wondered what he looked like, “Dumpster student? What’s that?”

“It means that they just dump everything on me. A little like a class president without the benefits. Instead of being a teacher’s pet, I’m their garbage disposal. That’s why I must absolutely have my camera on when other students are not as pressured to do it.” He sighed, “It was like that last year but it’s even worse this year. Probably because my brother was collectively their favorite student, so they transferred that on me.”

“I see,” Taehyun chuckled and once again, it’s like you tingled a carillon. It was almost melodious. “I did hear about your brother.”

“Who didn’t at this point, to be honest.” Beomgyu joked but looked away. It was fine.

It was fine. People adored his brother, and rightfully so. Nobody loved his brother more than he did, after all.

Still, he changed the subject, “My point still stands, though. If you need anything, or if you want to hang out,” he pulled out his phone, “just text me – Let me give you my number, actually.”

He was met with silence and that made him falter in his action. Maybe he was coming off too strong? Honestly, he was fine with not socializing with his classmates, mostly because he knew that they had their own friends. That being said, having Taehyun, who was new, alone didn’t sound appealing to him. He wasn’t fond of unnecessary acquaintances, but he wasn’t an asshole either.

That being said, he didn’t want to make the other uncomfortable.

He was about to backtrack in his words before Taehyun talked, “Yeah, sure. We’ll have to talk about our history project anyways.”

Ah yes. The history project that they were supposed to work on, right now.

Beomgyu nodded in response and proceeded to share his phone number and kakao talk ID. Taehyun did the same right after.

“Alright. Now that this is done, we can talk about what we’re going to do for the project. We have time but I saw that the teacher still expects us to do a 15-page report and a 10-minute video on the topic.”

“What?!” Beomgyu exclaimed. When had Mr. Kim talked about that. What was he doing at that moment?

“Yeah, it’s quite a lot. So maybe we should program meetings once or twice a week just to make sure we advance. Especially because we’re only two.”

Beomgyu nodded hastily in response, his beanie on his head falling off in the process. He squealed as he saw his horrible nest of a hair in the small window that sowed how he looked on the zoom session. He quickly grabbed the beanie and put haphazardly put it on.

He heard another melodious chuckle fill into the room, the “KT” changing color to indicate that it came from Taehyun.

Beomgyu had decided at this moment that, as he had thought, Soobin was one drama queen.

Group works weren’t that bad.

**✜ ✜ ✜**

“So I was thinking,” Soobin started, from his bed where he was working on his math homework while munching some milk bread that Beomgyu had bought.

“That’s never good.” Beomgyu muttered under his mask and Soobin threw him his eraser in retaliation.

After his last class he had decided that he didn’t want to stay at home, so he just went to his second home, a.k.a, Soobin’s. He dropped by the local bakery to buy some treats as a bribe, because he knew that Soobin wouldn’t let him in without something to eat.

“Shut up, you brat,” Soobin hissed, “You never respect me as your hyung.”

“Okay. First of all we were only born three months apart. Second of all, I’ll show you respect when you start showing me that I can actually respect you as a hyung.”

Soobin only tsked at him and Beomgyu removed his mask to eat a piece of bread in silent victory.

“I was saying,” Soobin said pointedly, changing the subject, “That I was wondering what this Taehyun guy looked like. He’s not on any SNS.”

“You already looked him up on social medias? When did you even have the time to do that?” Beomgyu huffed in disbelief at his best friend who was now eating his bread sheepishly, completely forgetting about his homework. To be fair, Beomgyu had brought his homework but he knew that not a lot was going to get done, as usual when he was with his best friend.

“I was bored in chem class, but that’s beside the point. What teenager doesn’t have any social media, nowadays?” Soobin said, mouthful of bread and Beomgyu smiled fondly at how much he looked like a bunny. He wasn’t going to say anything though, he didn’t need to have Soobin’s ego growing bigger than it already was.

“I don’t know Soosoob, maybe you didn’t look enough.” He shrugged.

“Bitch please. If I’m good at one thing, it’s tracking people’s social medias. That Kang Taehyun, though. _Nothing_. It’s kind of weird if you ask me.”

“Nobody asked though.”

“Hey! You’re mean.” Soobin pouted this time and Beomgyu could see him preparing to sulk. If they were still in their early stage of their friendship Beomgyu would feel guilty, but he knew his best friend, and he knew that Soobin knew that he was joking. Still he walked to his best friend’s bed and hugged his side, the older whining at the sudden contact.

“I’m sorry, Soobinnie. You’re my best friend forever and ever.” He said obnoxiously loud and started mimicking kisses near Soobin’s face, making the other yelp as he tried to pull away from his grasp.

“Alright, alright! Please stop!” Soobin squealed as he laughed at Beomgyu’s probably dumb looking face. Once he had heard more of Soobin’s plea, Beomgyu released his grasp from his best friend and laughed at how disgusted Soobin looked.

After that Beomgyu decided to settle next to Soobin who made room on his queen-sized bed to let the younger set his studying material.

Once they finished eating and chatted a little more, they finally decided to actually study, Beomgyu using Soobin’s computer to start researching info on his history project. Taehyun and him had already establish how they would share the research work; they’ll have a first meeting this weekend to do a brainstorming. Beomgyu didn’t know a lot on his new classmate, not even how he looked like but at least he knew that he took his schoolwork very seriously. After finishing quickly their chat to know each other they had already mapped out a plan of how they were going to work and Beomgyu had found himself agreeing to every idea that the younger suggested simply because they were… good and thorough. It was nice to see, especially after what Soobin had told him about group work dynamics.

Beomgyu focused on his research because he definitely didn’t want to slack off when it was apparent that Taehyun was going to do a meticulous job.

He was reading an article on Yi Songgye when a small notification popped up on the op corner of Soobin’s computer.

**From: Hyungie** **✨**

**Are you busy rn?**

**I miss you TT TT**

Beomgyu blinked at the message destined to his best friend. His eyes shifted towards Soobin who was focused on his homework. The computer was in silent mode, so he hadn’t noticed the messages. It was an iMessage though. It meant that it was supposed to be read on his phone, and not for Beomgyu to see at all.

Beomgyu wondered who was that hyung who missed Soobin. Soobin didn’t have a brother, or male cousins and he was the oldest of their group of friends. That hyung of his, Beomgyu didn’t know him, that was for sure.

But why?

Why _didn’t_ he know about it?

Weren’t they best friend?

Soobin literally texted him all the time. Even while being on the toilet. He made sure to tell him what shape his poo was after being done. _Every time_. Even when Beomgyu didn’t want to know to begin with.

They told each other _everything_.

Well at least he thought so.

He was a little hurt, he wasn’t going to lie. It was unusual for his best friend to hide things. He always wore his heart on his sleeve. Besides, Beomgyu actually wondered how it was possible that the older had kept that hyung of his from him to begin with. Soobin couldn’t keep a secret for the life of him. He was such a bad liar, usually. Beomgyu was so intrigued.

“You’re okay, Gyu? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Beomgyu snapped out from his inner monologue to look at his best friend looking at him in question, head tilted like a puppy. Beomgyu didn’t even have the will to point it out to tease Soobin. He was a little confused.

Obviously, he couldn’t expect his hyung to tell him every little detail of his life, even if it was their habit to do so. In anyways, if Soobin had exceptionally cut this habit it must had been for a valid reason. Beomgyu ultimately trusted Soobin with his life. And that was the case since Soobin had shared his kimbap with a lonely Beomgyu on lunch break of his first day transferring to their school.

If Soobin didn’t feel like sharing this new relationship – or whatever that was – with Beomgyu then all could Beomgyu do was wait for him to talk about it.

“Gyu?” Soobin called for him again, this time looking a little more alarmed at his best friend’s silent staring.

“Huh— yes. I just— I just read something so surprising about Yi Songgye and had just to stop to think about it. You know how I get.” He explained sheepishly, looking away before Soobin notice how unconvincing his lie was on his expression.

“Oh… You’re sure?” Soobin asked again in worry and Beomgyu waved him with an “of course, Soobs!”

But it wasn’t all that fine, though. He couldn’t focus after that, because Soobin answered this hyung of his and Beomgyu had to deactivate the notifications on his friend’s computer because the more he read the bit of conversations, the more he wanted to pry and just ask. The more questions he had.

**From: Hyungie** **✨**

**I know TT TT**

**Im trying but its hard**

**going from seeing you every day to nothing – it’s weirddd**

**Aww you’re so cute**

**I’m keeping that selca for when I miss you too much**

Once again, Beomgyu just deactivated the notifications, because wow, it was as cringy as it was intriguing.

After some time in which Soobin had practically gave up on his homework to text to his secret hyung he sighed and dropped his phone, “I’m thirsty. I’m going to go fetch some juice. Do you want something?”

“Actually, I’m just going to go.” Beomgyu blurted out a little dryly. He couldn’t focus anymore, and he had already sent to himself the document with his research, so he just got up and started packing his stuff. Soobin raised a single eyebrow at Beomgyu’s haste.

“Already?” Soobin almost whined.

“Huh, yeah. I have to go help my mother do something.” He lied instinctively and _wow_. He had never lied this much to his best friend in the span of an hour.

He gulped and ignored that small, but still present, ill feeling churning in his stomach. He just put on his black mask and finished packing his stuff, ignoring Soobin’s incessant confused gaze.

Soobin was frowning now, “You’re sure you’re—”

“—Yup. I’ll text you later,” Beomgyu cut his best friend’s inquiry as he passed by him to exit the bedroom. “See you later Soobin hyung.”

He left the house before waiting for his best friend’s answer.

Without hearing Soobin’s small “Did he just call me hyung?”

**✜ ✜ ✜**

Beomgyu had overslept.

It was 11AM and he was supposed to have his first meeting with Taehyun for their group work and Beomgyu had overslept.

To be fair, he had been playing overwatch all night on the night before. He had put an alarm for 10:30AM but had slept through it.

It was now 11:30AM and Beomgyu had woken up in haste when he had realized that the incessant buzzing was from his phone. He got up so fast when he saw the time on his bedroom clock that he fell off his bed, crawling to his desk to get his phone that made the trinkets on the whole surface shake.

Once he finally reached his phone, he saw the caller and winced.

“—can’t believe he would just— Hello? Hello? Beomgyu-ssi?” a rather pissed off voice asked, and Beomgyu gulped.

“Hey… I’m so sorry, Taehyun.” He said quietly and his voice was such a raspy mess, that he had to clear his throat to sound normal, “I— I didn’t hear my alarm.”

“I called you four times.” Taehyun answered sternly.

“I know, I’m sorry. My phone was on silence mode.” Beomgyu explained sheepishly. He felt even guiltier because it just all sounded like excuses.

“Listen.” Taehyun interrupted his thoughts, “We didn’t choose our groups. And in anyways, I don’t _know_ anyone in this class so I can’t even tell the good students and slackers apart. But I’m _not_ going to fail this project because of how unserious you are.”

“I really didn’t mean to—”  
“Don’t even. I don’t want to hear it. Just… please. Don’t let it happen again, Beomgyu-ssi.” Taehyun sighed and this time it was softer, maybe even desperate and Beomgyu hated that he mad ethe younger feel this way, even not on purpose.

“Yes. I’ll be more serious from now on. I’m so sorry, Taehyun.” Beomgyu muttered, and he could feel himself pout, just like when his mother was disappointed over something dumb that he did.

He must have sound earnest because Taehyun said lightly, “It’s fine… Sorry for scolding you like that.”

“No, don’t apologize. I need to hear it. My mother always says that it’s the only way for me to truly learn,” Beomgyu muttered the last part but Taehyun had clearly heard it because a small snort and chuckle could be heard from the other end of the line.

That instantly made Beomgyu’s heart lighter.

(Which was weird, but Beomgyu ignored it.)

**✜ ✜ ✜**

They worked on their shared documents for two hours straight.

Beomgyu was glad he had taken his research seriously because Taehyun had sounded happily surprised that he had found so much to talk about. Beomgyu was just happy that he could convince the younger that he wasn’t what his previous behavior made him out to be.

They worked diligently, first chatting about how they were going to organize everything, then more silently to actually do what they were going to do.

Once it was lunch time, Beomgyu’s stomach grumbled so hard that Taehyun had chuckled quietly at the loud ridiculous sound.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t eat this morning.” Beomgyu laughed in embarrassment as he stood up to fetch some quick snack in his mini fridge. On Saturdays, his mother didn’t cook lunch and he was too lazy to cook something for himself, so he was probably going to run on snacks until dinner.

“It’s fine, it’s almost lunch anyways.”

“I’m probably going to skip it, though. My mother doesn’t cook on Saturdays and I’m too lazy to do it.” He explained as he quietly munched on his dried seaweed.

“Oh, I see,” the younger hummed, “I’m probably going to cook something for myself, too.” he said absentmindedly and Beomgyu pictured him stretching after the mental effort that they had just realized.

“Oh? Your mother doesn’t cook either? Small world,” Beomgyu joked, expected to hear more of the melodious chuckle but he was met with a small silence.

“Yeah, I guess…” Taehyun said in muted voice. His usually normal leveled voice was now shaky, “Actually… I’m currently living with my sister. She has work on Saturday, so I just cook for myself.”

Beomgyu blinked at the answer, looking at the glowing initials dim down after the small but loaded confession. The statement in itself wasn’t all that shocking but it was obvious that there was more to it. And Beomgyu was most certainly not going to pry.

“Oh! Well, look at us.” He said dramatically, “Having to fend for ourselves to be fed. It’s like we’re back to stone age or something. Although I’m currently eating dried seaweed. I guess I have it a little better than the stone age people… Stoners? I don’t know.”

“… Wow,” Taehyun huffed a laugh, his voice clearer now, “That was a whole load of nonsense, right there.” He pointed out and Beomgyu wondered what Taehyun looked like when he smiled. Did his eyes crinkle like his brother? Did he have dimples like Soobin? Did he have a perfect row of teeth like his mother?

He kind of wanted to know so bad.

“I know… I try to make sense most of the time but sometimes the inner dumb me just jumps out. Please excuse me for that,” He apologized formally and this time Taehyun didn’t just chuckled. He laughed. A full boisterous laugh. So surprising but pretty, and if his chuckles were melodious, his laugh was a symphony that made his insides tingle in the best way.

“Wow,” he whispered despite himself.

And maybe Taehyun had great ears because his laughter subdued and he cleared his throat to say, “What was that?”

“Nothing. My stomach probably. Are you hungry?” he changed the subject quickly.

“I mean… kind of? But I’m going to cook some cup ramen right now.” Taehyun said as Beomgyu heard some shuffles and a door opening, probably from the younger doing exactly what he had said he would do. Beomgyu himself decided that they were done working and he shuffled to his bed to make himself comfortable.

“What’s your address?” Beomgyu asked decisively.

“What are you saying?” Taehyun chuckled again, some muted background noise forcing him to speak a little louder.

“I’m asking for your home address so I can order you chicken.” Beomgyu repeated and Taehyun immediately tsked.

“You cannot be serious right now.” Taehyun said in disbelief.

“I never joke about food, Kang Taehyun.” Beomgyu said as he kept on eating his snack.

“And why would you buy me chicken? You don’t even know if I like it. I could be vegan, for all you know.”

“Oh, please,” Beomgyu scoffed, “Your katalk icon is chicken!”

“It’s a chick.”

“Same difference, Tae.” He waved off easily. Then he paused.

The nickname had just slipped out. He was just... _comfortable_.

Taking to Taehyun surprisingly felt like talking to an old friend. Sure, he had to be careful with fragile topics, but overall, it was just _easy_.

“Sorry, I just got ahead of myself.” He said quickly before Taehyun could say anything, but the younger pshhed at him.

“It’s fine… You can call me that if you want.”

(Beomgyu’s heart jumped a little, but he won’t acknowledge it more than that.)

“But... you still use the honorifics with me. So, I wouldn’t want to go further than what you are comfortable with.” Beomgyu pointed out seriously. Taehyun’s comfort was the priority.

That seemed to surprise Taehyun who let out a small “Oh, yeah. I can just… drop it. If you’re fine with it, of course.”

Beomgyu was glad that there weren’t any cameras because the smile he had on at the moment was probably so goofy looking.

“Yes, of course I’m okay with it. Just call me Beomgyu, or Beomie or Gyu. Anything’s fine, really. We’re going to work together for almost a month. We should be comfortable with each other.” He said warmly, “Besides... We’re going to be chicken buddies.”

“I’m not letting you order chicken for me, Beomgyu. I’m done cooking my ramen anyways.” Taehyun said, slipping in a comfortable speech so easily and Beomgyu already was fond of it.

“Oh, shoot! Next time, I guess.” He teased, laughing at Taehyun’s small whining for him to stop.

**✜ ✜ ✜**

(They talked for two more hours after that.

Getting to know Taehyun was like a roller coaster. Exhilarating and stomach dropping but also terrifying of what would happen next.

Good thing that Beomgyu loved roller coasters.)

**✜ ✜ ✜**

It was currently Monday – two weeks after he met Taehyun - and Beomgyu was out jogging with an exhausted Soobin trailing behind him.

They had ‘made up’ although there never was a fight to begin with.

No, Beomgyu had just decided to ignore everything because if he couldn’t talk about that with Soobin, he didn’t want to not talk to him at all. He was still his best friend after all.

Soobin had ignored it too in a way since he had just acted like Beomgyu hadn’t practically stormed off the week before. They just pretended nothing happened and it was fine with the both of them.

“Why are you running so fast?” Soobin wheezed from behind and Beomgyu chuckled.

“I’m not even going that fast, Soob. You’re just lazy.” He answered between two big breath. They were just jigging around their neighborhood blocks but some part of it were still paved with uneven concrete. You had to be focused if you didn’t want to trip and fall.

“I don’t know how you convinced me to go with you. Next time I’m following you with an electric scooter. You know, those Lime ones.” Soobin wheezed again, barely able to catch up with Beomgyu without slowing down to cough. Beomgyu pitied him a little. Soobin truly hated any type of physical efforts.

It was weird too because he was naturally slim and tall. He was clearly one of God’s favorite. Maybe that’s why he never did any straining activity. Him running with Beomgyu was a huge fluke. A happy one, though.

Beomgyu was just happy to spend time with his best friend after that awkward episode, truly.

They kept on running in silence for three minutes before Soobin yelped, making Beomgyu turn around in alarm.

“I found a Lime scooter! Thank you, Lord!” Soobin exhaled so dramatically as he ran to the stranded Lime scooter on the other side of the street, phone already out. Beomgyu chuckled fondly and just let the older do his thing. He knew that they wouldn’t last that long anyways.

Once Soobin finished synchronizing his phone with the scooter he rode to the end of the street where Beomgyu was waiting for him. Beomgyu eyed him judgmentally but Soobin was just smirking, ignoring his stare. He was still red from the previous efforts, face wet from the sweat. Beomgyu probably didn’t look any better.

Instead of waiting for Beomgyu, Soobin passed by him and leisurely rode his scooter throwing a “What are you waiting for, huh? Don’t slow me down. Come on!”

Beomgyu cursed at the audacity of his best friend, but eventually started running again to catch up to him.

After that, it was just silent running, while Soobin was occasionally humming a song that Beomgyu didn’t recognize.

“What are you humming? It sounds good.” Beomgyu asked as they rounded yet another block.

“Hum? Oh.” Soobin snapped out of his thought and chuckled awkwardly – why though? – “It’s just a song that someone sang around me. I think it’s a Dean song, named “D”? not sure though.”

“Ugh, don’t even mention him. My brother is _obsessed_ with Dean.” Beomgyu huffed out remembering how Yeonjun couldn’t shut up about the Korean American artist. He still had the song ‘Instagram’ permanently playing in his worst nightmares from how loud Yeonjun used to play it around the house back when he still lived with them.

“Oh… Was he?” Soobin said after a pause.

“Yes. It was annoying as hell.” Beomgyu chuckled under his – exhausted – breath, “It’s weird but now I almost miss it.” He said absentmindedly.

Soobin hummed in response, although his voice was a little shaky, -- weird he wasn’t even running anymore.

“Yeah. I mean I can understand,” Soobin hummed, “Going from seeing him _every day_ to—”

“—To nothing.” Beomgyu finished for him, stopping dead in his jog.  
  


A clear memory of the messages he had read a week ago materialized in his mind and a churning feeling creeped in his stomach.

It seriously couldn’t be. 

_Of_ _course_ , it wasn’t.

They would have told him.

“Gyu? Why did you stop?”

Soobin looked confused at Beomgyu abrupt action and wow, he just looked so innocent and lost. 

Soobin always looked innocent. It was just the dimples and soft edges that made anyone think that he was the sweetest and most trustworthy person ever. And his appearance matched his personality in many ways. He _was_ sweet and very thoughtful.

Beomgyu always wondered how it was possible that someone so _great_ would stay with him. Choose _him_ as his best friend when anyone would kill to be even near Soobin.

He had once shared this thought on a late night during one of their sleepovers. Soobin had gasped and hit him hard, scolding him for having such a low esteem of himself.

_“Hey! Don’t say that! I’m as lucky to have you as you’re lucky to have me, Gyu. Don’t even think for a minute anything else!”_

The words still resonated in him to this day. It had been like they had temporarily put out fire burning in his chest. The fire of self-doubt.

They confirmed one thing in his life as well: if Beomgyu practically questioned everything about himself, he at least would always have Soobin by his side to give him some answers.

He didn’t need anyone else. He had Soobin.

He could handle anything _because_ he had Soobin.

He could endure any hardship and self-doubt. He could even survive with his biggest demon.

His biggest obstacle but greatest relationship.

As long as he had Soobin, he didn’t have to feel less behind his brother’s shadow.

It was fine that he would always be known as ‘Yeonjun’s brother’ with other because at least he was quite simply Beomgyu ‘my best friend Beomgyu’ to Soobin.

Or at least he thought.

“Soobin. Are you seeing my brother?”

Soobin’s eyes widened at the question and Beomgyu didn’t know whether to throw up or laugh at how comical he looked.

“Wh-What? What are you talking about?” Soobin spluttered as he settled off the scooter, few feet away from Beomgyu. His whole demeanor had completely changed in spans of seconds. He looked tense and was fidgeting although his eyes never left Beomgyu’s face.

“I saw some messages while I was on your computer two weeks ago. I didn’t check them on purpose, the notification just popped up on the screen.” He clarified before Soobin started getting the wrong idea, “I deactivated the notification eventually because I didn’t want to breach your privacy, but I still saw some of them. One of them were exactly what you just said, about ‘ _going from seeing someone everyday to nothing’_ , which makes wonder.”

A pause.

“Are you seeing my brother?”

That hast question was so emotionally charged that they could feel it resting over their head. They both knew it.

They both knew what his answer would mean for the both of them. For their friendship.

“No. I’m not seeing your brother.”

Beomgyu blinked at him, scanning his whole figure just to sense if he was lying. Maybe it was because he was himself so over the edge, but Soobin didn’t showcase any of his tells that instantly indicated that he was lying.

Beomgyu was just confused.

“Are you sure?” he said, his eyes narrowing instinctively just to scrutinize Soobin’s tense figure.

He wanted to believe his best friend. He really did.

“Yes, Beomgyu. I am sure.” Soobin answered, his voice more leveled now. His expression was clearing, to show something more earnest.

Beomgyu looked away, confused on what to think.

“Who is it, then?” he asked quietly, trying to tame down the accusation in his tone.

Soobin seemed surprised to receive this question, and it surprised Beomgyu too. He wasn’t the type to pry. Soobin wasn’t either. They just always waited for the other to be comfortable to say what he had on his mind.

All of that was out the window the moment Beomgyu had figured that the hyung was most likely his brother.

“… I can’t tell you.” Soobin whispered and Beomgyu felt a pang in his chest.

“You— You can’t tell me? Why?” Beomgyu whispered back and he didn’t know why, but he was tearing up now.

He didn’t understand his own body reaction, it was almost funny.

“I— I just can’t.”

“If you can’t tell me, I’m just going to assume you’re lying to me hyung.”

“Oh, Gyu. It— I swear it’s not that bad. Don’t call me hyung over that.” Soobin pleaded, knowing that things were serious if the younger used the honorifics.

“Why? Would it remind you of that secret hyung that you clearly care about and who I don’t know _anything about_!?”

“Gyu—”

“—Or is it because you know that if you told me the truth, I would be so disappointed, and you wouldn’t know how to handle it.” He finished with an accusatory hiss.

They were alone in the street and the sun was setting. The streetlights were almost going to be the only source of lighting and maybe it was for the better because Beomgyu didn’t want anyone to see him cry.

“Beomgyu, calm down!”

“No!” he said louder, “No! I gave you time to talk about it. I’ve known for two weeks and _I respected your space_. I figure that you would talk about it when you’ll be ready. That you had your reasons but hyung _, I swear to God_ , if it’s Yeonjun hyung, I won’t _ever_ speak to either of you!” he sneered out, completely out of breath.

The color had drained out of Soobin’s face and he hated to be the reason for it. But he hated the thought of his best friend and brother being together even more.

A heavy silence rested between the two of them, both shocked from what he had just said.

“… You don’t mean that.” Soobin muttered shakily and teared rolled out on his cheeks so suddenly that Beomgyu wondered how long he had been holding them. “I _know_ you don’t mean it, Gyu. I _know_ you wouldn’t consider breaking our friendship over _this_.”

“ _You_ know how much I struggle living under his shadow. _You_ know that better than anyone else, Soobin.” He spat, “And I love him. I do. He’s everyone favorite person for a reason. I get that. I just—” he sobbed loudly, “I just figure that if he could have anyone, I at least had you for myself.”

“You _do_ have me, Gyu.” Soobin exhaled out in frustration and he looked so tired. So, exhausted from this whole situation.

Beomgyu looked at the figure of his greatest friendship.

“I don’t think I do. Not anymore.” He said so lowly, but he knew that Soobin had heard him.

Soobin looked crestfallen, like he didn’t know what to say. But Beomgyu didn’t want to hear anymore.

He turned around and started running away, ignoring Soobin’s sobs behind him.

**✜ ✜ ✜**

When he went to sleep that night, it was after turning off his phone because of how bad it was buzzing.

He didn’t want to listen to anyone anymore.

It just hurt to do so.

**✜ ✜ ✜**

Life seemed just a little bit duller after that fight.

Beomgyu hadn’t realized how much he hung out and spent time with Soobin on a daily basis. It was just constant texting, sending each other memes during online classes and facetiming each other until dead hours of the night.

Suddenly stopping it felt so odd to Beomgyu, and that weirdness just translated itself in his behavior.

He stopped talking, stopped participating in class to his teacher’s dismay. He had stopped chatting with his other friends and spent his days sulking, making his parents worried because they just didn’t understand his new behavior, although they had figured that it had something to do with Soobin, who wasn’t dropping by every two days anymore.

It was just weird. And irritating.

Taehyun had noticed it, as well.

It was currently Saturday, and they had one of their last meetings to prepare the finalization of their work. Beomgyu was doing his best to work while feeling like shit. Since his fight he barely slept, barely ate and that made him less focus on his work. He made sure to be diligent with his history group work because Taehyun trusted him with it, but today it was particularly hard.

It was after his third pause to contemplate things that Taehyun cleared his throat, making him snap out of his daze.

“So… You’ve been off, lately.” Taehyun started carefully, and Beomgyu appreciated the tact he used because he knew that the younger could be blunt when he wanted to.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I’m going to focus.” He promised as he shook his head to wake himself up and stop himself from zoning out. He owed it to the younger at least.

“I mean… I’m not saying that to scold you. We advanced more than what I had expected. We’ll be done by Monday, so don’t worry too much about that.” Taehyun said softly and that did make Beomgyu feel a little less like crap though. He didn’t really feel like working at the moment. He had so much free time since the fight that he just used his free time to study, when he wasn’t sulking or zoning in strange corners of his mind.

“Do… Do you want to hang up now?” Taehyun asked carefully. Beomgyu’s eyes snapped towards his phone screen, the bold ‘KT’ staring at him. Today, Beomgyu’s camera was on, and as usual Taehyun’s was off. It was weird that he still didn’t know what the younger looked like, but at this point he had just stopped thinking about it. _Sure_ , he was intrigued but he had other things in mind.

It had been three weeks wince they had met. During this time, they had talked a lot, during their meetings and even a little by message, although Taehyun was a bad texter, that Beomgyu had noticed. He didn’t hold it against him though. The younger just didn’t do social medias in general.

 _(“I prefer scrolling through book pages full of interesting stories than through a feed of people’s Instagram artificial stories.”_ The younger had explained simply after one of their meetings. That statement had made Beomgyu laugh, much to Taehyun’s confusion.)

“No… We can talk as usual.” Beomgyu answered after some thinking. He didn’t want to push Taehyun away because he couldn’t handle his own feelings.

“Alright then.” Taehyun said kindly, “You choose what we can talk about.”

Beomgyu let out a small noise of question, but eventually shrugged, “Alright… Huh, tell me about your life before coming here.”

Taehyun hummed hesitantly. Beomgyu heard some shuffles until he heard some ruffles that sounded like sheets. The younger was most likely making himself comfortable in his bed and Beomgyu decided to do the same, crawling under his covers.

“Well, like I said before I used to live in Seoul, with my sister but she got a great job here, so we moved here.”

“And what about the rest of your family?” Beomgyu asked absentmindedly, his mouth snapping shut instantly when he realized what he had asked. His inner angst made him a little loose on the tact, clearly, because eh had already established that parents were a touchy subject for Taehyun. He didn’t want to force the younger to talk about difficult things with him. They were getting familiar with each other, but they weren’t exactly friends yet.

“I’m sorry— You don’t have to answer—”

“It’s fine Beomgyu. I know you’ve been patient and honestly, I feel like we’re close enough to talk about that.”

For the first time since the fight, it was a tight feeling that took his chest but rather like a warmth, like when you drank some chamomile tea after coming from a gloomy rainy day. He felt his cheek warm up a little and he didn’t understand why such normal although kind words made him feel so… fond.

“I—I’m glad you feel that way.” He simply said back, a small smile stretching on his lips – once again for the first time in quite some time.

He heard a faint chuckle and a whispered ‘cute’, which definitely not made his heart stuttered.

“So…” Taehyun said before pausing. Beomgyu let him take his time collecting his thoughts in silence.

Eventually the younger said, “Actually, my parents died when I was two years old and my stepsister ten.” Beomgyu froze silently at the admittance, “After that, she and I started living with my aunt. Honestly, she could’ve left to live with her real father, but she refused to live my side. I was only two years old, but she fought tooth and nail for me like I was her real brother.” He explained, “Eventually, she graduated high school and then college, while I was in primary and middle school. It was our plan to live together when she’d be all settle down, so here we are.” Taehyun finished, almost casually, although Beomgyu could detect hints of hurt in his words.

He couldn’t imagine how the younger’s life must have been, losing his parents at such a young age.

He didn’t know how to act after hearing such private intel on the younger, but clearly, he didn’t want to make this about him and how _he_ was feeling. Besides, he knew that pity was something that people usually hated when they were dealing with losses of close ones.

So, he simply said earnestly, “I’m so sorry for your loss. You sister sounds like a great person, though.”

A silent invaded the conversation, before a simple “Oh. Yeah, she’s amazing.”

“I’m so glad you have her in your life. It must have been confusing for you, especially at such a young age.”

“… Yeah it was. It’s still is,” Taehyun sighed before hesitantly confessing, “Sometimes I wonder what if, you know.”

“What if…?”

“What if they were still alive? What if there hadn’t been that storm and my mother hadn’t been stuck on a random freeway. What if my dad hadn’t gone to fetch her? What if that tree hadn’t felt on their car because of the thunder…?”

Beomgyu hummed to show he was listening. It seemed like Taehyun needed to vent out, and Beomgyu would gladly let him do it.

“I’m just happy that Haseul noona was there. She’s been my anchor, quite frankly. She sacrificed so much to support us, even when we used to live at my aunt. That’s why I insist on working hard. I want to graduate with the best result, go to college to get any degree that will allow me to have a stable job. Anything to be less of a burden for her, you know.” Taehyun said truthfully, and _wow_. Beomgyu had a new level of respect for the younger.

He sounded so passionate when he gave his reasons and Beomgyu admired him as much as he – dare he admit it – felt bad for him. It’s sad that he felt like his life goal was to have a stable job. Knowing Taehyun, he most likely had some passions. From the way he had edited and produced their history video, he clearly had some artistic inkling in him, and the fact that he was probably going to throw it away to help his sister was as honorable as it was… sad.

Despite that all he said was, “What you’re doing is so great… You’re probably sacrificing some things for her, and I think it’s amazing. I don’t know. I just— You’re _so_ cool, Hyun.” And he meant it.

Taehyun’s laugh sent shivers down his spine. It was truly the most beautiful thing he had heard in a long time.

“Thank you… Beomie.” Taehyun said lowly and Beomgyu could just hear the smile in his words. His own smile widened at the nickname.

“No. Thank _you_ for trusting me enough to talk about it.” Honestly Beomgyu was so touched from the gesture that he almost wanted to tear up. He was very emotional lately.

“Yeah, well. You’re welcome. You’re my only friend here and you… You’re a good one at that, so.” Taehyun said the last part almost as a whisper but Beomgyu heard it clearly. Once again, he felt a spark lighting up in his heart.

He sighed after he let the warm feeling rush through his chest. Eventually he breathed out, “I wish I was a good friend to everyone, though.”

“… Is this about why you’ve been so down lately?”

“Yeah,” Beomgyu sighed, “I… I got into a fight with my best friend, Soobin.”

“And… may I know what it was about?”

“Yeah, of course. We’re friend, aren’t we?” Beomgyu said cheekily, making the other hum calmly although there was a chuckle behind it.

“So…” he started, pausing to choose his words, “I think my best friend is seeing my brother and he completely hid it from me.” He almost whined, “I had to find out about it through _text_ _messages_ that he sent Soobin when I was studying in his computer. I read them accidently and Yeonjun hyung’s name wasn’t explicitly written at the time.”

“So how did you know it was him, then?” Taehyun asked simply.

“Honestly, I didn’t want to assume anything and honestly it seemed impossible back then, but then, this Monday he and I were chatting while we were jogging together we started talking about Yeonjun hyung and Soobin ended up said something him that was practically identical to what that secret hyung and him had talked about in the messages… My mind just clicked. I asked Soobin if it was true and he tried to deny it. But after some prying, and some stupid ultimatum I gave him, he basically confirmed it… We haven’t talked since.” He exhaled, almost out of breath from simply telling about the story.

“I see…” Taehyun said seriously, as if in thought, “One thing before I tell you what I think about all of it… Do you have feelings for Soobin-ssi?”

Beomgyu chocked with his own saliva, coughing a “What?! No! Never. He’s like a brother to me… I could never see him like that!” he cringed at the idea of seeing Soobin in any other way than as a sibling. He shivered at the thought.

“Alright, then what’s the matter? Is it about your brother, then?” Taehyun asked although his tone showed that he already knew about it.

“I just… Maybe you never felt like that because your sister is not only for older than us, but you guys had literally thousands of more important things to worry about, but having your sibling being perfect is _hard_ , Tae. It’s hard and sometimes annoying. Honestly, I usually barely complain about it, because Yeonjun is really just _perfect_. That includes him being the perfect brother. He’s always cared about me, helped me with my homework, with my hobbies, protected me from anyone who made fun of me, even when he was busy. I admire him so much, and I just... I understand why everyone prefer him so much to me. Why they like to compare us. He’s legendary Choi Yeonjun, model son, model student and model friend. I _get it_. And I might sound bitter, I did say that it was hard, and it is, but overall, I’m fine with it. I lived with it my entire life and I’ll keep on living with it.”

He sighed, “But, mostly it was fine because if Yeonjun could have anyone in the world, at least he didn’t have what I had with Soobin.”

“Ah.”

“Don’t mistaken me, Hyun. Soobin’s my best friend, and he’s been my anchor. You know those people who are just rays of light who shines so brightly and that could literally shine on anyone but somehow decided that they’ll shine on you? You find yourself wondering ‘How is possible that this great person, who anyone would die to be friend with chose to be my friend?’. That’s how I felt with Soobin since we met eight years ago.” He explained.

Then he added “I don’t belittle myself a lot, but it’s hard not to when you have Choi Yeonjun as your bother and Choi Soobin as your best friend. God, I sound like an insecure piece of shit.”

“Not exactly.” Taehyun cut him, “You just sound hurt. And not just because of your fight.”

That felt like a small pang in his chest. 

“I just— I knew that Yeonjun could have anything he want in life. I said it, I’m fine with living in his shadow because I had Soobin to light things for me. I also knew that Soobin could have anything he wanted as well, I just expected him to choose _me_ until the end.”

“… And now you feel like he chose your brother.” Taehyun finished for him, his voice so soft.

“… I just don’t want to be left behind.” He huffed painfully and Taehyun hummed softly, “I also don’t want to share him either, as bad as it sounds. I don’t think of Soobin as something to be owned. He’s his own person with his own choices and actions. I guess I can only blame myself for expecting him to be solely be mine despite that.”

When he finished, he felt out of breath, like had ran an emotional marathon.

He just had unloaded a lot on Taehyun and suddenly Beomgyu felt guilty, and a little silly.

He was about to apologize for ranting for so long but Taehyun cut him.

“You know, Beomgyu. From what I’m hearing the issue isn’t truly about Soobin, or your brother. It’s about you.”

Beomgyu blinked at the ceiling that was currently looking at.

“You count so much on others to define your worth. And I get it, it’s so easy to rely on your relationships to guide you in life, but if my parent’s death taught me one thing is that at the end of the day you should first and foremost count on yourself to _help_ yourself.”

Beomgyu didn’t know what to say. He was just so used to simple… depend on Soobin. “He’s my best friend”, he muttered to himself.

“Yes, he’s your best friend. But he’s also his own person, he’s entitled to his own feelings and him being with your brother doesn’t mean that he doesn’t choose you at the end of the day. Sure, there will be moments in which he’ll choose Yeonjun, if this thing of theirs even lasts, but from the way I’m seeing it right now, you’re the one who’s making the choices for the both of you, Beomgyu.”

Beomgyu blinked again and this time it was moist. He was crying.

“You talked about an ultimatum earlier, too. I’m assuming it was along the lines of ‘It’s me or him’. And you _assumed_ he chose Yeonjun-ssi. But Beomie, it’s not because he chose Yeonjun to be with that he doesn’t choose you every day in other grander matters. He spends time with you, shares things with you, go jogging with you when I’m pretty sure you mentioned that he despised sport before. He chooses you in different ways.” Taehyun said softly.

Beomgyu’s heart was pounding.

“And in any ways Beomie… You’re not a shadow. Your best friend and brother might be the sun, but you’re a star. You might not be shining as bright at them, but people will always be mesmerized about you in different and more beautiful ways. I know _I_ am.”

The last sentence was hushed so lowly that Beomgyu thought he had imagined it.

Everything that Taehyun had said made him feel so much better and see things differently but somehow at the moment, none of it mattered.

He felt so much at the same time.

Sadness.

Confusion.

But somehow the feeling that overpowered all the hurt he was _still_ feeling was extreme fondness and pure adoration for this beautiful boy.

This beautiful faceless boy.

Maybe it’s this realization that made him wipe his tears and so suddenly sit up, before breathing out a small, “Can we see each other, Hyun?”

A pause.

“What?”

“I want to see you. Not your initials. Not just hear you. I want to _see you._ In _real_ life.”

Beomgyu waited for the youngers’ response. He could hear him breathing through the microphone, but he wasn’t saying anything.

Eventually he heard a lone and shaky, “I’m sorry… I can’t.”

“Oh.”

His heart fell. He felt it deep inside his gut.

“I—I’m sorry. I just— I can’t.”

Beomgyu felt more tears coming but he wiped them before they even gotten a chance to roll out, “It— it’s fine. I just said that on a whim. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable—”

“No, Beomgyu. You don’t understand—”

“No, I get it, I overstepped your boundaries, I apologize. I just… I have to go. My mom just called me for dinner.” He lied quickly, completely overwhelmed.

He hung up before letting the other finish and flopped back in is bed, closing his eyes.

He had to calm down unless he wanted to cry big fat ugly tears.

He did some breathing exercise to calm his pounding hurting heart before he felt his phone buzzing.

Instinctively he reached it to see what it was about. He had actually received two messages.

**From: Tae :3**

**It’s really not what you think. I know you’re going through a lot right now, so I’ll leave you alone, but please don’t assume the worse, Beomie**

**From: Yeonjun hyung!!**

**We need to talk.**

**I’m coming home this week.**

He groaned so loudly that his mother must have probably heard him from the kitchen downstairs.

Few seconds later he heard a loud “Gyu? You’re okay honey?”

Instinctively he screamed a “Yeah, mom. I’m okay!”

As usual, it was just _fine_.


	2. Starlight and Moonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies!  
> here's the second and last part of this Taegyu fic!  
> I promised fluff and fluff you'll get!
> 
> hope you like reading this as much i liked writing it!!!💓

That was it.

It was finally over.

He finished tapping the last e-mail to submit his and Taehyun’s history project to Mr. Kim. He reread it one last time to check that nothing was missing and finally he hit ‘Send’.

The project was now done.

It had been a week and since their… not exactly fight but rather emotional _discussion_ that had ended in rushed words of denial and a quick goodbyes.

They had barely talked since, Taehyun had tried but Beomgyu always refocused the discussion on their project. By the Wednesday after their fall down, he was done with his share of the work. Once Taehyun sent his part and he finished editing the video, Beomgyu had deleted all of their messages and funny e-mail chains.

It was over now.

He could finally move on from whatever he believed was happening between Taehyun and him.

Finally forget about the hurt that his heart was screaming about but that his mind was toxically dismissing.

It was supposed to feel good. To be able to let himself heal, once and for all.

He scoffed at how ridiculous he sounded. All that for a crush for a person he had _never_ met.

Maybe that was what hurt the most. That he had felt so much, that had gotten so close to someone who couldn’t even do something as simple as showing his face.

He just felt stupid.

(He just—

He just _missed_ him.

It was stupid.)

Once he finished checking for any other school related e-mails, he sighed and pulled away from his desk to go what he had done for the last fortnight: lay lifelessly in his bed, waiting for the day to pass.

He hadn’t been going out at all except to go do some errands for his parents. And he was pretty sure that he was doing it because they wanted him to actually have some kind of physical activity other than moping in different rooms of their home.

He did the errands, but it didn’t help with the moping.

Not being able to talk to Soobin was just unusual. His best friends had been here with him every step of the way since they had met, so not seeing him was just painful.

The older had tried to talk about things at first but once again, Beomgyu didn’t want to hear none of it. After the fifth message left on read, Soobin decided to let him have his space, which Beomgyu appreciated.

As for his brother, the older knew him too much to just let him have his space.

He was coming home this night and stayed until the Wednesday after, but _still_.

_Still_ , every day he would call him, or text him and Beomgyu ignored him. Not for the same reasons as Soobin and Taehyun though.

He was more scared of answering his brother than anything else.

Scared that it was real. That he would confirm something that his mind still had trouble to grasp.

He was scared of how bad the betrayal would hurt if his brother told him that he was dating his best friend.

He was scared that he wouldn’t be able to talk to his best friend again after that, and not just temporarily, like he knew that this was.

So, he did what he did best.

He avoided confrontation and silently took it all while his mind rotted over how hurt his heart was.

It wasn’t the best solution on long term, especially because he was eventually going to talk about it, but that was all he felt like doing for now.

**✜ ✜ ✜**

The doorbell rang around 9PM.

Beomgyu froze from his spot on the couch and he felt his heart beating faster by the second. It was finally time.

“Beomie? Could you get it? It’s probably your brother!” his mother asked loudly from the kitchen, in which she was cooking all of his brother’s favorite meals. Studying at Yonsei, he didn’t have much time to go home but apparently, he had finished his finals, so he took some time off to see his family. Beomgyu couldn’t even feel excited to see his brother after so long. All he felt was dread.

“Beomgyu?” his mother’s voice snapped him out of his daze, and he walked to the front door to open it fast, just like ripping a bandage.

He was shocked to see that it wasn’t his brother, though.

His best friend hadn’t really changed since they had their fights. The strawberry of his died hair had faded for something closer to orange, but other than that, it was the same dimples, the same awkward fidgeting and round emotionful eyes. He even had the white and black puffy jacket that Beomgyu had gifted him on his 17th birthday. The difference was more in the dark eye bags he carried, in the color of his face that leaned towards something pale. It was almost worrying.

“… Hi.” Soobin greeted lowly, almost life he was breathing the words out of fear and he wondered how he did it. He was he in the wrong and still it was Beomgyu that felt so guilty, that felt like he wanted to hug him and tell him that it was going to be okay. That he just didn’t want to lose him.

His pride pushed him to only say a dry “What are you doing here, Soobin hyung.”

Soobin recoiled at the honorific, that seemed so strange in their relationship. He composed himself quickly, though and answered, “I was invited by your mother.”

Beomgyu’s eyes widened and he almost felt like punching something. “She what?”

“I invited him to eat dinner, Gyu. Now let him in. It’s cold outside.” His mother dismissed his pleading eyes of shock and pushed him away to hush his best friend inside of their home with a warm smile. He was still frozen on the spot, trying to understand how his own mother had betrayed him. Ten seconds later he felt a small hand on his shoulder. It was his mother again, but this time she had a softer look.

“I did this for you, baby. I can’t handle seeing you two fighting.” She explained in a whisper and in any other circumstances he would have been grateful for her good-willing meddling but at the moment all he could do was trying to calm his beating heart because her gesture couldn’t have been more ill-timed.

He felt Soobin’s eyes on him, probably pleading and _God_ , he hated this situation.

He hated it so he did the most childish thing and huffed before zooming to his room to lock himself in it, ignoring his mother’s call. He hated disobeying his mother, but he couldn’t face his best friend at the moment.

He stuck his back to his wall as soon as he locked the door. He could hear his mother sighing and Soobin’s soft “ _It’s fine, auntie. I didn’t expect things to go any other way.”_

And no. It was unfair that he felt like he was the bad guy. The unreasonable one.

Soobin was the one who was ruining everything.

Soobin was the one who—

The doorbell rang again, but this time it was followed by the sound of a key turning in a locker.

God. God.

He couldn’t do this.

_“Mom? Dad?”_

_“Yeonjunnie! My baby, you’re here!”_

_“Hi mom. I missed you so much… It’s hard without you guys.”_

_“I know baby. Your brother is having a hard time.”_

_“… I know he— I know about all of this.”_

_“That’s why I organized this family dinner. Speaking of food, I have to check on it. Say hi to Soobin, baby.”_

“ _Binnie_? What are you doing here?”

Binnie? Since when did his hyung called Soobin Binnie?

_“Your mom invited me.”_

_“I’m so happy you’re here… Did you guys… You know?”_

_“No… No, we didn’t.”_

He didn’t want to hear this.

It already felt so... so domestic.

He couldn’t handle it.

“ _It’s okay, Binnie. We’ll just talk about it, all together.”_

_“I just hate that we don’t talk anymore. I miss him”_

Beomgyu’s heart squeezed. He felt like lead was weighing in his chest.

“ _I know you did… I didn’t expect things to take this turn. I thought he would be less selfish about it.”_

Maybe it was the array of emotions he was feeling all at once.

Maybe it was because he had lost his crush and best friend at the same time.

Maybe it was because he was just overall feeling so hurt but most of fed up.

But something made him just snap. He unlocked the door and in seconds he opened it to see the two boys at the end of the hall.

Soobin was holding Yeonjun’s face softly, the older’s frowning face melting to mirror’s Soobin’s expression that was now one of shock.

Beomgyu was fuming.

“I’m selfish?” he hissed lowly.

The couple – or whatever they were – looked at him in surprise because, once again, Beomgyu hated confrontation. It was a fact.

Yeonjun’s eyes narrowed a little and he started “Beom—"

Beomgyu didn’t let him finish, “ _No_. No, no. I _refuse_. You can call me childish, susceptible, sensitive but don’t you dare _ever_ calling me selfish.” He hissed at them.

“Gyu, just let us explain.” Soobin pleaded.

“You two are _incredible_ ,” he chuckled bitterly, “You hide your relationship from me, you hide the fact that you had any type of connection outside of me and I have to find out through fucking text messages and _I’m_ somehow the one at fault?!”

“ _You’re_ the one overreacting.” Yeonjun threw back at him, officially mad now.

“I was _lied_ to.” He deadpanned, “By the two most important people in my life. You broke my trust and for what? For something that isn’t even going to last. And I’m the selfish one?”

“Not everything is about you, Gyu.” Soobin said, his ears reddening and his frown deepening.

“Yeah, if you could stop for a minute thinking that the world should comply to your every need and want it would be—”

“Excuse me!?” Beomgyu felt his whole body shiver from anger and his eyes were definitely tearing up from frustration. He was so shocked from what he was hearing that he was gripping the door frame. He heard a soft “Beomie? Junnie” behind him sounding oddly like his mother but he ignored it.

“My _whole_ life revolved around you two.”

The silence that followed next was almost tangible.

“My whole _identity_ was based on you, hyung,” he spat at Yeonjun’s face that had been cleared from anger to show some confusion,” Do you know how… How _hard_ it was to live in your shadow? How painful to be constantly compare to you by everyone? To be called ‘Yeonjun’s chubby brother’ or Yeonjun’s weird brother? Do you know how annoying it was to have people _constantly_ taunting me because I wasn’t you, and that I would never be you? Do you have any idea of how much I had to work on myself to not simply _hate you_?”

He was breathless.

Yeonjun and Soobin were gaping at him.

But he wasn’t done.

“Every day, I had to remind myself that it _wasn’t you_. It was them. _They_ were the problem. They were the bullies. You were my brother that was always there for me. And I swear, hyung, I love and admire you so much.” He wheezed out, ‘but if you weren’t the problem, you were still the cause, and nothing could have changed that.”

He felt his mother’s hand on his shoulder, and he shrugged it off.

He wasn’t done.

“The only consolation I had in life was you, Soobin.” He said, and Soobin was crying in shock, guiltily gulping.

“You were my silver lining. My best friend. I always felt like if the world would never feel like I was enough because I wasn’t Yeonjun hyung, at least you felt like I was enough for you.”

“You _are_ enough.” Soobin chocked out between sobs, trying to reach him, but Beomgyu backed away immediately, his mother right behind him, staring at everything silently.

“No, I’m not. You’re just like everyone else. You just took your time to realize it.” He hissed though tears.

Actually, they were all crying. Soobin out of sadness, Yeonjun out of guilt and Beomgyu out of frustration.

The difference between the three of them was that Yeonjun’s had was resting on Soobin’s hip almost protectively and Beomgyu.

Beomgyu was alone.

“Beomgyu…” Soobin whined, “You’re my best fr—”

“I _am_ your best friend.” He breathed out lowly, so tiredly, “And for this reason I’m going to what I do best. I’m going to forget about myself, because contrarily to what you might think, I do care about you two.”

“Wh—What are you saying?” Yeonjun asked, wiping his tears quickly.

“I can’t be in the way of you two. I’m the shadow. The shadow has no say in any matter.” He said solemnly.

“Baby…” his mother said from behind him, but he couldn’t pay attention to anything else than this hand on his best friend’s back.

“You two can do whatever you want. I’ll just have to get used to the fact that once again hyung, someone chose you over him and I had to be just fine with it.” He said so, so lowly, so deceitfully. He wiped his tears with his sweater’s sleeves and nodded to himself.

It was the right decision.

Yeonjun huffed and frowned, “Beomgyu, please just be ratio—"

“Mom,” he turned around to his mother, “I’ll sleep at a friend’s house. I’ll come back on Wednesday.”

He barely left his mother register his word before taking his coat that was hanging by the front door, he quickly took his wallet, keys, mask and phone, took his shoes in his hands and exited his house in his home slippers.

He heard his mother and Soobin call after him. Pleading him to come back to talk.

Then all he could hear were the cars passing by.

It was the right decision.

**✜ ✜ ✜**

He regretted not having brought a warmer coat.

He was currently on a bench in a random park, shivering from the November cold breeze. Even with his face mask he still felt his lisp shivering from the cold because his tears had soaked it. His whole body was tense from how uncovered he felt.

He had never felt so lonely in his entire life.

At the thought he cried even harder than he already was.

The autumn air bit at his throat that was exposed, and he started coughing from the tears and cold air.

If he didn’t want to get sick, he had to find some place warm. Anywhere warm that wasn’t his home.

_(Taehyun_.)

He pulled out his phone again, scrolling through his contact list. He realized that he didn’t have many friends. He almost regretted not making friends with the people in his class.

He scrolled through and through it until his eyes fell on the letters KTH. They welled up again at the sight and what memories it carried.

He watched Taehyun’s contact name and clicked on it. The number was glaring at him.

He had deleted the messages, but he couldn’t delete the phone number. It had been too soon.

He hesitated to click on the number. He had cut things with the younger, he had been the one who ended things abruptly. It would be rude to just come back because he was vulnerable.

But… The younger knew about his situation more than anyone else.

And besides.

He _missed him_.

He couldn’t believe he had been so… selfish. Getting mad at Taehyun because he didn’t want to see him like that.

It didn’t matter if he didn’t want to see him. Just having Taehyun in his life was already such a big source of comfort.

That last thought made him push the button.

He saw his screen showcasing the calling window. Hesitantly he brought the phone to his ear and lowered his mask under his chin, wiping the leftover tears, although it was useless.

After four rings he was going to hang up, the ringing stopped and then silence.

“… Hello?” Beomgyu dared, so lowly. His voice was rough from misuse, so he tried to clear it.

No one was saying anything at the other end, so he quickly checked if someone had picked up. Everything seemed fine when he did so. Taehyun had picked up the phone but he wasn’t saying anything.

“Taehyun?”

Silence.

“I just…” he tried, “I know I’m such an asshole for even trying to reach you after how I acted but I… I just had the worst fight in my life with both my brother and my best friend and I’m in a random park because I ran away from home. I just— I don’t know what to do.”

Silence.

“And— And I know that I don’t deserve anything from you but I just… I miss you, Hyun. I miss you so much.”

He heard a small gasp.

“I miss your laugh; I miss your wittiness and your lame jokes. I miss your fun facts and how you dismissed me playfully, I just… I just miss you Tae. And right now I’m so cold that I’ll probably die from hypothermia but I think that I called you because I knew that hearing your voice makes me warm inside and I need it more than ever right now.” He whimpered. He probably sounded pathetic, but he felt like he needed to let it all out.

“And I’m _sorry_ if I made you feel like seeing you was such a big deal because I realize that if I have a crush on you right now, it’s not for how you look, it’s really because of everything else about you.” He finished shyly. He had stopped crying now. He still felt really agitated but it was for slightly different reasons.

He had just confessed his feelings when he hadn’t even admitted to himself that he liked Taehyun this way.

There was still silence at the other end of the line. He patiently waited for something, anything.

Then, so quietly, he heard a small “… Do you want to come over?”

His heart skipped a beat and his breath stopped. It truly felt better just to hear his voice.

“Are you sure?” he asked carefully. He didn’t want to force the younger to show himself

“Yes. I am. I’ll text you the address.”

**✜ ✜ ✜**

He walked in the depth of the neighborhood that Taehyun had sent him the address of through text messages, until he reached a three-story building. The building in itself wasn’t that great. The painting needed to be done again and the walls had water infiltration stains. Few windows were lit but overall, the neighborhood was quite quiet. The streets were empty because of the health restrictions, although they’ve been quite lax for a few months.

He reached the main glass door of the building and his eyes fell on label “Jo/Kang”. Then it hit him.

After almost a month of getting closer with the younger through phone calls, he was _finally_ going to meet him.

In the span of those few weeks he hadn’t even been able to picture what he might look like. It hadn’t really mattered until their last discussion.

His finger hovered over the button next to the label that had the younger’s name. It was the worse night to feel anything more than frustration and sadness over what had happened earlier. Despite this, he felt nervous.

Eventually he breathed in and out and pressed the button. A shrill buzzed in the air and then he waited.

Seconds later he heard the door system activate and the red light on the side of the glass door became green. He pushed the door and entered in the small badly lit lobby.

He huffed and walked to the staircase. Taehyun had already told him that his apartment was on the second floor. He climbed them easily enough, hands in his pockets.

When he reached the second-floor hall, he looked on his left and right and saw the apartment number 5.

He hesitated once again. Maybe he should just go home.

_Your home is barely one right now_ , his mind provided.

That was the last push he needed to press the doorbell.

Seconds later the door opened, and he face a young woman.

“Hi, Beomgyu-ssi.” She greeted him warmly, her eyes showing so much compassion, “I’m Taehyun’s sister, Haseul.” She introduced herself. Her smile lit her entire face although it still looked quite delicate and soft. She had small doe eyes and truly she was beautiful.

“Hi. Thank you for having me,” he muttered shyly, his voice was raspy from the cold he was in previously. Her eyes almost disappeared from the fond smile.

“Do come in,” she said softly, “You look like you’re freezing.” Beomgyu stayed still in front of her, not expecting her to act so… gentle with him.

She made way for him and when his body worked again, he slowly entered the apartment.

It was mid-sized. Taehyun had mentioned once that it was a two-bedroom apartment with a small living room and kitchen _. It was just enough for the both of them_ he had said back then.

“Taehyun is in the bathroom right now. But he’ll be there in two minutes.” she explained softly as she led him to their living room. It was small just like he had imagined, but it was quite cozy and so homey. It had lots of pillows and stacks of plaids in one of the corners, some of them already balled up at the end of the couch. Picture frames were hung on each walls and fairy lights lined the corners of the small room. It was lived in, warm and just… familiar.

On the table that faced the cozy couch were two empty cups of tea and as soon as he sat, Haseul poured him a cup of tea after he agreed to her asking if he wanted some. After she gave him the cup, she silently threw him a plaid around him. He stayed frozen as she fussed over him probably being cold. He sheepishly told her he was fine, but she didn’t want to hear none of it.

“Thank you, Haseul-ssi.” He said quietly after she was done with her fussing. She smiled at him.

“Call me noona, Beomgyu. I feel like I already know you at this point.” She said cheekily and Beomgyu flushed a little at the idea of what she must have heard about him.

Beomgyu understood why Taehyun loved her so much, though.

Taehyun.

He was going to see him for the first time. He shifted awkwardly at the thought.

“He’ll be there in seconds.” She said quieter, probably reading his mind. His mother did tell him that his expression was easily readable whenever he was sad. He was probably like an open book tonight.

“Thank you… noona.” he said lowly, and he meant it in so many ways. She understood that immediately as she nodded, and she winked at him before excusing herself because she had some work to do. He nodded back and let her leave the room.

He waited silently taking a sip of his hot tea. He needed the warmth at the moment.

“Beomgyu.”

Hearing his voice so clearly felt like a whiplash.

Slowly, he turned around to see a boy looking at him with wide and concerned eyes.

Taehyun was… for lack of better the prettiest person he’d ever seen.

He had a soft face; his nose was long and tall just on top of average sized soft-looking lips. They were red, just like his cheeks that were dusted pink, and his hair that were red. But what was the most mesmerizing wasn’t his perfect jaw line, nor his soft looking bangs that fell perfectly. No, it was his eyes.

He had beautiful wide eyes that probably held constellations. Beomgyu held contact with them and he felt like he was drowning in them, even as the younger looked away in nervousness. Probably because some time had passed, and he hadn’t said anything.

The younger had just taken his breath away.

“Taehyun.” Was all he could say, and it was barely a whisper.

Taehyun blinked at him, not knowing what to say. He looked a little bit awkward, a little bit sheepish, and very… vulnerable.

Seeing him, though, awaken something in Beomgyu.

Maybe that’s why he rose from his seat on the couch and walked to a frozen Taehyun to finally take him in the warmest hug.

Taehyun smelled of lavender and honeydew. It was a mix of scent he never knew he needed.

Hugging him felt like hugging a cloud, Beomgyu truly wondered how he had survived not knowing how that felt all of his life.

His arms rounded the younger’s neck softly and he felt his eyes wetting once again as the younger’s arms slowly rounded his own waist.

He was hugging Taehyun.

Finally, he was seeing him in real life.

He breathed out in the younger’s neck and he shivered a little as the younger did the same on his own shoulder. He closed his eyes just to focus on the intoxicating smell. It was like all of his sorrow, all of his worry had just disappeared as he basked in the younger’s presence. And he had a hunch that Taehyun felt the same, since Beomgyu felt him relaxing in the embrace.

“I can’t _believe_ I’m holding you right now. I missed you so much.” He said as he tightened slightly his arms around the younger’s neck. There was barely any space between them now.

He leaned his head even more against the youngers’ hair and his lips brushed against the younger’s ear. They both shivered from the sensation, since Beomgyu’s lips were frozen and Taehyun’s hand started stroking Beomgyu’s back.

“I’m here, now. I missed you too,” the younger whispered shakily, “I’m sorry for making you wait so long.”

“It’s fine. I’m sorry for pressuring you,” he answered as lowly, “besides… it was worth wait.” He said earnestly against Taehyun’s now red ear.

“I guess it was.” Taehyun said back. Suddenly he pulled away from Beomgyu’s shoulder, and the older did the same.

From up close Taehyun was even more breath-taking. It was like someone had picked the brightest star just to make Taehyun’s eyes. After staring at each other for too long, the younger’s eyes lowered avoid Beomgyu’s contemplating look. His cheeks were pink again and the blush was so delicate.

So pretty that Beomgyu kissed his right cheek.

He knew he was going fast but he couldn’t help it.

Like he had said before, his crush had been built on Taehyun’s amazing strong personality. But it was like seeing him in real life had unlocked a side of him he would have never discovered. Taehyun was cute, and soft, and just so kissable.

The peck lasted several seconds and at some point, he heard Taehyun gasp out of surprise, but he feels the younger’s hands on his waist hold him tighter, so he knew he was doing the right thing.

He pulled away and now they were both blushing red. Taehyun was looking at him with his beautiful round orbs in surprise again and Beomgyu wanted to kiss him fully so bad. he didn’t, though. Not yet at least.

Taehyun eventually composed himself from his previous shock and spluttered in shyness. “You’re really something Choi Beomgyu.”

For the first time this night he smiled genuinely. The younger was just too cute.

“I should’ve asked, I’m sorry,” he muttered a little sheepishly. “Next time I’ll ask.”

The young blinked in surprise, “Next time?”

Beomgyu realized what he had just said and cleared his throat. He was going to go back on his words when he realized that he couldn’t run away from those feelings. He liked to avoid confrontation of any kind and his fight with brother and best friend had proven that it was a real mistake.

He wanted to be honest with the younger, always.

“Yes, next time. I— I really want it to be a next time, Hyun.” He muttered shyly. Taehyun froze for the smallest moment before raising his gaze back to lock with his own.

He was trying to understand him, to see if he meant him. Beomgyu looked at him, trying to silently prove that he was serious about it. About them.

Fortunately, his honestly shone through because Taehyun sighed longingly and nodded softly before pulling him back, his nose nuzzling in the crook of his neck.

“Alright, Gyu. I’m okay with that.”

Those few words united some knots in Beomgyu’s stomach, and he breathed out. He felt himself tearing up again, but this time it was different.

It was out of relief.

**✜ ✜ ✜**

“So… what happened exactly?”

They were currently on Taehyun’s bed, under the covers, waiting for sleep to take them although neither of them was tired.

After their long embrace, Taehyun had pulled him in the kitchen to feed him something because in the midst of the eventful night, Beomgyu hadn’t eaten anything. The older ate in silence, but it had been rather quick because he honestly wasn’t that hungry. The only reason he had eaten was because the younger had insisted, and it turned out that Beomgyu was just weak for Taehyun’s pleading eyes.

Once he was done, Taehyun had given him some clothes to change in and let him take a quick shower. Beomgyu had used the honey scented soaps and had loved the fact he smelled of Taehyun after it. Once he was done, he had expected to sleep on the small family’s couch, but Haseul had refused. Apparently, it was very cold out in the living room, and since she didn’t want him to catch a cold, she insisted for him to sleep on Taehyun’s bed.

At first, he was a little embarrassed but eventually he agreed – once again he succumbed to the sight of Taehyun’s round galaxy-like orbs.

So here they were in the dark of Taehyun’s bedroom. Beomgyu had joined Taehyun under the cover and there was a small but consequent space between them. They knew about each other’s feeling but might be a little soon to cuddle, since they hadn’t really defined anything.

They were both looking at the ceiling, Beomgyu holding one of Taehyun’s squirrel’s plushie.

“I just… snapped, I guess.” He sighed in the air, and Taehyun hummed. “Yeonjun hyung was to come visit for a week, and I was already stressed about the confrontation that was supposed to happen but then just like that, Soobin was there because my mother had invited him for dinner, most likely because she wanted us to make up. In seconds I panicked and locked myself up in my room and then my brother arrived, and I heard them through the door, Hyun. They’re really… really into each other. It was so weird, I swear.”

“So, you snapped at them because you couldn’t handle it?” Taehyun asked softly, no trace of judgment in his voice. It was almost intimate the way he spoke so quietly in the night. Beomgyu’s heart squeezed at the fact that despite how dark it was he could still picture the younger’s expression. God, he was whipped.

“Not, exactly. My brother ended up saying I was selfish because I didn’t approve of them. It just set something in me and in seconds I was screaming at them letting everything off my chest. How bad I’ve felt for years, and how I buried it all. How I felt like I would never come second with Soobin, but that I was so hurt that from now on I would. It was just so messy. We were all crying.” He huffed, not having anymore tears to shed, even at the memory of what had happened.

“It was going to come out at some point, I guess.” Taehyun hummed again, “It’s too bad that it couldn’t be in more civil conditions, though.”

“I couldn’t handle the idea of them saying I was the bad guy. I’ve spent years thinking about them and them only. The last thing I should be called is selfish.”

“That’s true. Dependent would be a better term.” Taehyun answered back and ouch. That was harsh.

Although it was true. They had talked about it after all.

“I just. I know that everything would be fixed if I just…stopped putting them on a pedestal and just let them be, but even when I ended up saying that I would leave them alone, I felt like my heart was breaking from how lost I would feel if I were to just… cut them off.”

“Could you even cut them off?” Taehyun asked seriously.

Beomgyu took his time to answer. Could he?

He honestly didn’t think so.

“No, not really,” he whispered, “They’re still really important to me. I don’t really know what I would do without them.”

He felt Taehyun move, and in an instant, he felt the younger’s faint breath against his shoulder. He was now on his side facing Beomgyu’s profile.

Beomgyu’s eyes left the ceiling to look in Taehyun’s direction. It was quite dark in the bedroom but Taehyun hadn’t closed the window, so the yellow hue of the streetlights oozed slightly in the room, just enough to have a glint of it shine in Taehyun’s constellation-filled eyes.

They shared an eye contact in silence. Beomgyu could discern the shape of the younger’s nose and eyebrows. Even I the dark, he was breathtaking.

“Do you not know what you would do without them or is it something else?” Taehyun whispered.

Beomgyu blinked but conceded quickly. They both already knew the truth anyways.

“It’s more that I don’t know who I am without them.” He still confessed.

He thought he saw Taehyun’s lips purse in the darkness. He briefly wondered what they felt like against his own but forcefully dismissed the thought.

“I know that what matters is what _you_ feel and how _you_ perceive things, but for what it’s worth, I think you’re just great the way you are. Without your best friend and your brother.” Taehyun said as he took Beomgyu’s hand that was resting limply on the bed. Their finger intertwined delicately and Taehyun’s hands were as soft as his voice. His heart beat a little faster at the gesture.

“You’ve only known me for a month, though.” Beomgyu answered as he squeezed the smaller but softer hand in his.

“Yes, and through that month I’ve gotten to know _Choi Beomgyu_. Not Yeonjun’s brother or Soobin’s best friend. Just you. And I already said it, I like _you_.”

He couldn’t stop the flush nor the smile that draw itself on his face.

No one had ever made him feel the way that the younger was making him feel at the moment.

“I really like you too, Kang Taehyun.” He whispered back shyly although fondness dripped off the simple confession.

He felt the younger squeezing his hand back and the move temporarily made forget about everything wrong with his life.

The next one did even more so.

He barely felt Taehyun move again to close the space between each other until their faces were inches apart. His eyes widen at the closeness and from the distance he could see a little bit better the way the younger’s eyelashes fluttered against his soft cheek. The way he was slightly biting his lip in hesitance.

“Can I?” Taehyun asked shyly. His voice sounded so vulnerable, as if Beomgyu wasn’t dying to do so since they had seen each other face to face few hours ago.

He could barely think so he simply nodded. It was enough to have the younger fully close the gap and slowly take his lips for a kiss.

The smallest sparks flew behind his eyes and he felt himself warm up so fast. He closed his eyes and succumb to the feeling.

Taehyun’s lips were even better than what he had imagined.

Although they weren’t as pushed as his they were softer, and the way they smacked against his made them irresistible.

It was so gentle the way the younger parted his lips against his own. He felt dizzy from the feeling of Taehyun’s warm breath as he molded their lips together.

Beomgyu had never kissed someone before in his life and he probably wouldn’t be able to kiss anyone else after he had tasted Taehyun.

They exchanged soft but slightly languid kisses, the sound of their lips smacking being the only sound filling the silence of the night. He felt Taehyun’s hand reaching for his nape and slowly stroking his hair as they kissed some more.

He chased the younger’s lips as soon as it felt him pulling away, not wanting it to stop. The younger hummed as Beomgyu pecked him several times.

Eventually he gave him one last, long, languid kiss before feeling like he could stop. For now, at least.

They settled for looking at each other breathlessly. Taehyun’s eyes seemed a little wider than before and gosh, Beomgyu wanted to see what he looked like so bad.

Once he caught his breath, he tried a hushed “That was… amazing.”

Taehyun chuckled softly and here it was. The melodious tinkling.

(Beomgyu enjoyed this breathy version of it even more.)

“Thank you, Taehyun.” He blurted out, “Thank you so much for giving me a second chance, for being my friend and hopefully… more.” He murmured the last part, but their closeness had made the younger hear anything.

“You’re welcome, Gyu.”

Beomgyu smiled at him in the darkness, his eyes not leaving the younger’s. and then they settled in a more comfortable position. Taehyun’s face was burrowed in his neck while the older turned to lazily put a hand over the younger’s waist.

They stayed like this silently, until they let sleep take them away.

**✜ ✜ ✜**

The morning after, he woke up lazily, his eyes opening one at the time.

He stretched leisurely as he noticed the weight on his shoulder and where he was.

He slowly turned his head to see the younger cuddling close to him and looking so small.

He had trouble realizing that he finally had met the younger. but it was real.

His delicate face so serene whilst his chest rose and fell, the way his bangs fell on his eyes to the point his eyes were visible.

It was all real. 

Waking up next to Taehyun almost felt like a dream.

It was a whole new side of him he was seeing, and he wondered if he would have discovered it if they hadn’t met.

Beomgyu’s heart had actually stuttered at how angelic the younger looked.

It had fully stopped when Taehyun woke up from his own slumber and his first move was to smile softly ( _Wow_ , his mind provided) and peck Beomgyu’s lips.

Taehyun’s kisses were something else.

All through the morning, they were just lazying in Taehyun’s bed and they would shyly peck each other. Each time Beomgyu felt his stomach doing somersaults in giddiness.

He could really get used to the feeling, though.

Later in the day, they finally decided to get out of the bubble to eat something. When they exited the room hand in hand, Haseul was working on the coffee table and she throw them a knowing smile.

“I take you guys made up completely.” She grinned at them with a brow rising suggestively.

“Yeah, we did.” Beomgyu answered as he felt his face heating up. Taehyun didn’t look any better as he squeezed their intertwined hands

“I hope you slept well, Beomgyu.” Haseul said warmly, “Taehyun explained briefly what happened. You’re welcome to stay here as long as you want. Whenever you feel ready to deal with your issues.” Beomgyu’s heart squeezed at how understanding both the siblings were.

He nodded softly and bowed gratefully. She chuckled and bowed back.

Taehyun simply smiled at the scene and chuckled as well. They had the same lilt in their laughter and Beomgyu was overwhelmed with fondness.

The younger led them to the kitchen, pulling the younger by their intertwined hands.

“So, what are we going to eat?” Taehyun muttered to himself as he opened the fridge to then pull out some rice and eggs, “We’re supposed to do some groceries this week so it’s not all that amazing but I can cook something for you with what we have.”

“Anything is fine, Tae,” Beomgyu said back as he sat on one of the chairs that faced the single table that was probably the siblings eating area. “I just want to eat a little, since I didn’t eat a lot last night.”

“You’ll have to help me, then,” Taehyun asked firmly, although he still was smiling while doing so. Beomgyu smiled back and nodded.

So, they started cooking. Neither of them were very good. Add to that the constant teasing and bantering from both sides in shapes of pushing and distracting pecks, you ended up with a half-burnt kimchi pancake. That didn’t stop them from finishing it, though.

Once they were finished, they went bac inside Taehyun’s room because they both had work to do.

“Can I use your computer? I have an econ essay due for next Friday.” Beomgyu asked as he sat on Taehyun’s bed while the younger sat on his desk chair. His room was just big enough to have both and the bed was placed in a way that the desk was on the bed’s left side, the only think separating the two furniture being a small night table. From this position, Beomgyu just hard to turn his head to see Taehyun’s profile as he faced his desk.

“Sure, Gyu. I have math homework anyways.” Taehyun handed him the computer that was already on. Beomgyu thanked him and opened a word document to start with his essay.

They silently worked on their own, occasionally making some comments and asking for help when they didn’t understand something.

It worked well between them. Beomgyu already knew that they were great studying buddies, but it was more than that.

The transition from friends to more had been almost seamless. In the span of a few hours, they had gotten so close and breached new steps that he didn’t even know he would ever cross with the younger.

What had been impressing for Beomgyu was the way that the younger had just backed on his former reticence to reveal himself as soon as he understood how distressed Beomgyu was. He would always be grateful for that gesture.

Still, a part of his mind wondered. Why didn’t he want to show himself?

During the course of their fight, Beomgyu had thought of scenarios but Taehyun seemed fine. There was nothing to be alarmed about, physically at least. He was just so intri—

“What’s on your mind?”

Beomgyu blinked in Taehyun’s direction, and the younger looked at him softly, a small smile drawn on his face.

God, he was _so_ pretty it almost hurt to look at.

( _Maybe that’s why he didn’t want to show himself,_ his mind provided stupidly.)

“I’m just intrigued.” He stated as softly as he rested his head on the bed headboard softly. Taehyun titled his head slightly in question and hummed in question. It was cute.

“What are you intrigued about?”

“Well… You just agreed for me to see you yesterday when you really didn’t want to last time,” explained muttered, his eyes not leaving the younger’s. He didn’t know if he could anyways, his mind provided as he bit his lip. They were too mesmerizing.

Maybe Taehyun had read his mind because his ears tinged a gentle red as he cleared his throat and tried to word his thoughts properly

Finally, he settled for “I guess I was scared?”

Beomgyu blinked at the answer, “Why, though?”

The younger let out a noise of discomfort. Or maybe it was embarrassment.

“If it’s because you were scared that I would judge your looks, let me stop you real quick. You’re so pretty, Tae. It’s kind of ridiculous actually.”

“It’s not about my looks!” Taehyun spluttered as he blushed some more. Beomgyu chuckled at his flustered reaction.

Once he sobered up a little, he cleared his throat and asked, “What was it, then?”

Taehyun huffed and fell a little on his desk chair. Beomgyu’s eyes glanced at the younger’s neck and how pretty it looked. Just as Taehyun went back looked at him, he re-focused on his face.

“I guess that I could relate to your situation and it wasn’t pleasant.” Taehyun explained and Beomgyu frowned at the words. He hadn’t imagined that the younger related to his situation. His confusion must have been clear on his face as Taehyun pushed away from his desk to roll to the edge of the bed. Beomgyu took his hand instinctively and the younger let him.

“Let me explain,” Taehyun sighed, “I know your life hasn’t been easy but in some different ways mine hasn’t either.” Beomgyu nodded in haste. What he had went through and what Taehyun had went through was incomparable. “I think that losing my parents broke something in me back when I was younger. Sure, I had my sister but there were still many nights in which she had to study. Of course, it was for the both of us, so I let her be. Still, those moments were quite lonely. And it lasted for most of my childhood.”

He had a sad smile, “It was fine, I felt fine. At some point I actually had made a single friend back when I was 12. His name was Kai. He was from Hawaii and had stayed for one year at school because his father had a temporary mission in South Korea. It was fun with him. He was very cheerful but still gave me my space. I never really understood why I had gotten closer to him since I knew he was going to leave me. Still I took the risk, and of course on the day he was to leave I was crushed. It had made me realize that I was so lonely, something that I had been fine with for so long.”

“After that I tried to be more social, but it just didn’t work. No one was receptive to my friendship, I guess. They thought I was weird and rude because I was quiet and when I spoke, it was rather bluntly. Besides, I was a good student and somehow that was intimidating to most kids.” Taehyun frowned, most likely at the memories he wanted to bury.

Beomgyu felt for him. It was hard to be the school’s black sheep. The only consolation he had in his life had been that he had his own best friend. He didn’t know what he would’ve done if he didn’t have a single friend. Even the most antisocial person needed at least one person that somehow showed care sometimes.

“It went on like that. I grew up and changed but my ‘reputation’ followed me. People in my school couldn’t really get passed how I used to be, and quite frankly, I didn’t really want to befriend them. We had quarantine and then, Haseul noona got the job here, so we moved.” Taehyun explained.

“I think that when I moved here, I didn’t know what to expect. I was apprehensive, that’s for sure. I was set to spend my senior year alone cooped up in room. But then I met you.”

Beomgyu felt his cheeks flush as the younger smiled with so much fondness as he looked at their intertwined fingers.

“Honestly at first, I was a little scared, but for the first time in my life I got to be myself. There was nothing to hold me back, no reputation, no heavy past. Just me and you. And we got along so well.” He added, “In so little time, I got attached and I just felt so comfortable with you. It was scary.”

“How was it scary?” Beomgyu asked quietly. He could see what would be, but he just wanted to ask.

“… I was bold with you, Gyu. Even the little flirting felt like something so out of ordinary for me. When I told you about you being a star… It meant it and I was just so afraid because I was just gradually shedding myself in front of you when we hadn’t even _met_. Then you said you wanted to see me, and I just panicked. I thought to myself, how could I even be with someone so incredible and caring when I was…” Taehyun didn’t finish, getting visibly upset at his own words.

Beomgyu felt his hand his fingers loosen in his hold and he couldn’t just let the younger think this way. He retightened the hold on their hand moved from his position on the bed to sit in front of him as he reached with his other hand the younger’s cheek softly.

Taehyun still couldn’t look at him in his eyes and Beomgyu’s heart cracked. He grazed the younger’s cheek with his thumb gently.

“Hyun… Look at me, please.” He pleaded softly and the younger did as he was told.

There was so much vulnerability in his eyes and Beomgyu realized how lucky he was to have someone who was constantly jumping out of his comfort zone for him. He just wanted to make sure that the younger know just how grateful he was.

“You’re so… _so_ amazing. Your bluntness is funny to me, your quietness makes up for my inability to shut up and I think that your brains are so attractive to be honest.” He loved the way that the younger blushed, he could feel the heat against his hand. “In the span of a month you became very important to me, Tae. Besides, I already told you, I fell for your personality before anything else. It’s that beautiful personality that makes my heart stuttered during each history class and during each of our meetings. I know that it must come from you but _trust me_ when I tell you that you have nothing to worry about in this matter.”

“I understand that you’re scared to get closer to people. You lost… so much.” He sighed, then he realized, “And I can’t imagine how you must have felt when I silence treatment-ed you. I’m sorry, Tae. Had I known, I would have acted differently. I just couldn’t deal with a rejection; I was already upset and—”

The younger shook his head slightly, “It’s fine.”

“Still… Your feelings matter, and I’ll make sure to respect them all the time from now on.” He promised seriously. He wanted the younger to feel secure in their friendship first and foremost, then in their relationship (or whatever it was that they have.)

“I’ll try to be there for you as much as you’ll be there for me.” Taehyun said as he finally looked at Beomgyu in his eyes.

Beomgyu blinked at the two galaxies and all he could do was nod with a small smile.

The kiss they shared after was gentler than the ones of the night before, but it held so much more meaning.

**✜ ✜ ✜**

“You can’t avoid them forever, Gyu.”

It was the third time that Taehyun was chastising Beomgyu since the day had begun.

It was Tuesday. Beomgyu had stayed for three days and quite honestly, he understood why the younger liked to stay in his room all the time. It was cozy.

Even his neighborhood was quite nice during the day. On Monday, They had gone on a walk during the lunch break and again after they were done with their online classes since Beomgyu had felt like he could explore the park near Taehyun’s building a little more.

That’s what they were doing at the moment. They were leisurely strolling in the park, hand in hand ‘enjoying the fresh breeze’ since, apparently, Taehyun liked to be freezing. The younger had given him his puffiest coat and off they went.

“I _know_ I can’t. But I’m enjoying myself with you, right now.” He said, and he meant it. He was having a great time getting to know him, as well as studying, eating and cuddling with Taehyun. It felt very domestic.

Taehyun sighed and lowered his mask momentarily, “I’m really enjoying myself with it too, but it’s unhealthy to let everything bottled inside. You can’t ignore your family anymore, Beomie.”

“I’ve texted my parents everyday since I left home.” Beomgyu whined, “they know I’m with you and they even talked to Haseul noona!”

“Don’t play dumb, Choi Beomgyu,” Taehyun deadpanned and Beomgyu pouted even more, “You know I’m talking about Yeonjun and Soobin. Soobin didn’t stop trying to reach you this last few day and even your mother said that Yeonjun looked so down.”

“I don’t want to, though… I said some ugly things to Yeonjun hyung and I know things won’t be the same after what I told Soobin.” He whined even more, although his playfulness barely hid his real concern.

He was scared of what might happen when he’d see the two boys again. Talking things out with Taehyun had felt so good and they also had made him realize that honesty was the best option. The thing was that he had been a little too honest with them and it had ended in tears and hurtful words from both parts.

He was still upset.

(And embarrassed.)

Taehyun sighed and stopped them in their walk to face Beomgyu. He was wearing a long red coat that matched his hair. He had a white scarf around his neck that swallowed half of face – although his face mask under his chin did a little bit of the work. It wasn’t even the cutest part, though.

Beomgyu had bought him some glittery pins while they had dropped by a convenience store and Taehyun had somehow agreed to let him put them in his hair. He looked adorable with half his hair held with those cute pins. He was still cooing internally at the sight, but he kept it all inside because he didn’t the younger to hit him again.

(He realized, once again, how easily Taehyun could affect his mood. It was so weird.)

“Listen, Beomie,” the red-head sighed and looked at him with such earnest and soft eyes that Beomgyu did just that, “Your brother is going back to Seoul tomorrow and then you won’t see him before the holidays. The more you wait the worst things will be Gyu. You need to talk it out because they’re the two most important people in your life and I see how much this affected you and how it still does.”

“But—”

“No buts. You can’t eternally stay with me. You’ll have to go home at some point and trust me, talking it out is way easier than eternally walking on eggshells.”

“I just—”

“ _No_. You just need to do this then you’ll see where to go from there. Waiting is useless. You had your break, and although I loved that little bubble we were in, it’s time to burst it, Gyu. Man-up and deal with your problems.”

“But… I like being with you.” Beomgyu pouted at the younger who rolled his eyes fondly.

“Me too, Gyu. But I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be with you every steps of the way alright?” he reassured the younger.

Beomgyu hummed in a pout but Taehyun shook his head, not wanting to budge.

After a prolonged staring contest that lasted enough to have children passing by staring at them like they were mad, Beomgyu huffed in reluctance.

“Fine…” he sighed, “I’ll talk to them…”

The grin that lit Taehyun’s face was worth the discomfort.

(Had he mentioned how beautiful Taehyun’s smile was? If not, it was criminal not to do so.)

“Thank you, Gyu. You’ll see that on the long run, it will feel better.” The younger comforted him a little when he saw Beomgyu’s uncertainty. “I’ll text Soobin myself to warn him and I’ll even walk you to your house tonight.”

“Tonight? Not now?” Beomgyu asked.

“Yeah, tonight.” Taehyun nodded as he pulled Beomgyu in the direction they were coming from, “I want some alone time with you before I have to let you go.”

Beomgyu chuckled and let himself dragged by the red-headed.

**✜ ✜ ✜**

After cuddling and kissing each other for an hour and a half (it was supposed to be an hour but Beomgyu couldn’t stop peppering kisses in Taehyun’s neck and honestly, Taehyun was only human) they were finally in front of Beomgyu’s home.

Taehyun had already texted Soobin who had agreed – after expressing his surprise that Taehyun was even real— and on the bus ride, he had warned Taehyun that he was already at Beomgyu’s.

“I don’t think I can do it, Tae.” Beomgyu pressed quietly as he looked at the familiar front door in worry. They both lowered their face masks to see each other’s face entirely.

Taehyun looked at him with a comforting smile, “Yes, you can Beomie. I know you can.”

Beomgyu took the younger’s hand and pulled him in a hug, much to Taehyun’s surprise. He immediately relaxed in the embrace, though.

Beomgyu felt him snake his arm around his waist and pull him even tighter. Beomgyu instinctively burrowed his head in the crook of his neck to smell the intoxicating smell of lavender and honeydew.

Taehyun whispered back, “Things will be okay, Gyu. If they care about you, they’ll understand that what you said came from a place of hurt and honesty. They’ll respect the way you feel, and you’ll find a common ground.” He pulled away to make sure that Beomgyu was looking at him, “You’re a starlight, remember?”

Beomgyu nodded slightly, focusing on the younger’s orbs that shone in earnest. “I’m your star and you’re my moon.” He added.

Taehyun chuckled quietly, “At least your distress didn’t ruin your ability to be cheesy.” Beomgyu smiled fondly and leaned to kiss him.

He truly couldn’t get enough of his lips.

It was supposed to be one kiss, but the Taehyun’s breath hitched and he just had to do it again.

They were momentarily so entranced in each other that they barely had time to notice the front door opening.

They startled out of their kiss and Taehyun tried to pull away but Beomgyu still kept the hold on his waist.

To make things even more awkward, it was his parents at the door.

“Mom, dad! Hi,” Beomgyu said in embarrassment.

“Hello, Sir. Madam.” Taehyun bowed deeply, although it was probably to hide his red face. He was probably even more embarrassed from being caught since it was the first time, he met his parents. “I’m sorry for the wait.”

“Hello, boys.” Beomgyu’s mother said with a knowing grin, eyeing Beomgyu’s hand on the small of Taehyun’s back. He almost wanted to drop it, but he felt like Taehyun needed some kind of support if he were to trip in embarrassment.

“I see that Beomgyu was well taken care of,” his dad said with his eyebrows raised and Beomgyu kind of wanted to die a little inside. “See, Minha? I told you that you didn’t need to worry. They were just fine. I almost feel like you and Soobin fought just so that you could plan this prolonged sleepover.”

“Dad,” Beomgyu whined, “Of course I wouldn’t do that.” Taehyun was redder than his hair at this point.

“Is it true… I’m sorry, remind me your name?” His father addressed Taehyun.

“Kang Taehyun, Sir! It’s nice to meet you.” Taehyun bowed a 45° degrees bow, once again.

“That’s right. The history project partner.” His mother nodded in remembrance.

“Exactly.” Taehyun nodded, his back straight. He looked so awkward; it was almost funny.

“You should come in for dinner, Taehyun.” His mother suggested. Taehyun looked at Beomgyu in alarm and that was his cue.

“No, mom. Taehyun’s busy tonight. Besides, I have a lot to talk to with Soobin and hyung.”

His parents conceded easily, their faces suddenly way more serious.

“That’s fine, then.” She agreed, “Next time, though?”

Taehyun nodded so hard Beomgyu heard his neck crack, “Yes, madam. Of course.”

“Call us auntie and uncle,” she waved him off with a warm smile, “You’ll probably be here often, so might as well get comfortable right now.”

The two teens flushed at the implications but Taehyun still nodded then he bowed again as a greeting.

Once his parents gave him some privacy to say goodbye, he turned towards Taehyun to see the younger already looking at him.

“I’m mortified.” He whimpered, “We’ll definitely have to talk about that later. No more kissing on the porch! ” Beomgyu protested but the younger hissed at him, “No. It’s settled! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going home to scream in my pillow.”

Beomgyu nodded and that made him relax a little more as he chuckled.

“Okay. Do that, Hyunnie.”

“Alright.” Taehyun sighed, “Go on then. Good luck. Text me when you’re settled!”

Beomgyu nodded and dropped a small kiss on the younger’s lips before entering immediately to avoid the younger’s protests. He chuckled, throwing one last wink before closing the door.

Seeing his home after the last event that had occurred in it felt so odd.

He walked long the corridor taking off his mask fully and dropping his coat on the coat hanger. He still had one of Taehyun’s scarfs since Haseul was scared he would catch a cold. Actually, his whole outfit was Taehyun’s. He had to give them back the next time they would see each other, although he was probably going to keep the sweater just to have something that smelled faintly of Taehyun.

He walked until he was just at the edge of the door that led to the living room where his best friend and bother were most likely waiting for him.

He breathed in and out and thought of Taehyun’s reassuring words. He wanted to believe them.

So, he entered the room slowly.

The first person to notice him was Yeonjun who’s eyes widened when they met Beomgyu’s. His brother looked a little tired, and his eyes were a little red, just like Soobin’s. when the younger noticed him, he rose from his spot next to Yeonjun to sit further from him.

“No, no. Sit. It’s— It’s fine.” Beomgyu reassured his best friend who still looked quite alarmed and shell shocked.

Beomgyu walked to the chair that was perpendicular to the couch in which the couple was sitting.

The same way that Beomgyu had held Taehyun’s waist when he was embarrassed, Yeonjun seemed to show his silent support to Soobin by holding his hand. And weirdly enough, his stomach didn’t churn at the sight.

Yeonjun started, “I’m… really glad you agreed to talk things out with me before I left. I was actually worried that we didn’t even speak before I went back to Seoul.”

Beomgyu nodded quietly before saying, “I figured that after what I said, I at least owed you an explanation. Although I was quite clear last time…”

They all winced at the memories of the harsh words. He peered at Yeonjun and Soobin’s intertwined hands shifting a little.

“Uh, I guess I just wanted to say that—”

“Can we talk first, Gyu?” Yeonjun interrupted him. “I feel like we didn’t really get to explain ourselves in all this situation.”

Beomgyu fidgeted with a little hesitancy but agreed.

“Beomgyu…” Yeonjun hummed, “Ever since we were children, I’ve always been… lost? Confused. And I know that I always looked confident, but most of it was all an act, Gyu.”

Beomgyu gulped, completely baffled.

“I felt like no matter how much praises I received, it never felt enough. _I_ was never enough. Sure, I had people around me that enjoyed my presence, and even few people I could call friends but truthfully it all felt artificial most of the time. I know it sound like I’m whining about fake problems, but it had been a big deal in my life since I was young. I just felt inadequate.” Yeonjun confessed.

“90% of the times, the only thing that helped me believe I wasn’t an imposter was you, Gyu. You truly knew me, and you still _admired_ me. You just always looked at me with stars in your eyes and I felt invincible whenever you told me how cool I was or how proud you were to be my brother.”

“And I’m sorry, Gyu. I knew that the comparing between you and I was much for you. It couldn’t possibly easy. But still, you had that twinkle in your eyes, so I never really believed that it fully bothered you. I should have known, though.” He sighed in defeat, and Soobin squeezed their hands tighter in support, “At no point did I ever think that you felt so… low of yourself and the simple thought of me being the reason for it… I despise myself for it, Gyu. I’m _so sorry.”_

Beomgyu stared at his brother in aghast.

He didn’t imagine things going this way.

He expected the older to be mad at him, not to feel bad.

“It— It’s fine, hyung.” He tried shakily and oh, he was tearing up again.

“No, it’s not. I can’t believe I made my baby brother feel like this all those years.” Yeonjun was crying now and Beomgyu wanted to hug. Fortunately, Soobin was already on it. He rounded his brother’s shoulder and kissed his forehead in reassurance.

Beomgyu blinked some tears and looked away from the quite intimate moment.

He had no idea that his brother held such a burden. he had always thought that Yeonjun was alright, great even. He sure as hell always smiled in front of him.

They both sobbed on each side of the room and Soobin looked even more alarmed, not knowing what to do.

They sobbed for a little longer until Yeonjun caught his breath. Soobin asked him if he was okay, silently and Yeonjun nodded.

“I don’t really know when I first noticed Soobin as something more than a dongsaeng, than your best friend…” He said lowly and Beomgyu’s eyes fell on the carpet, not really able to look at them while he talked about that.

“He was just there for me during certain hard moments. They always were short, but I guess it was enough for me to mean something. So, when you were napping, or when you were at school and he waiting for you, we talked and it made me feel so much better and eventually it made me feel… more.” Yeonjun explained.

Beomgyu was still unable to look at them. It was just so odd for him. To think that he had missed it when it was right under his nose.

“Beomgyu?” Soobin suddenly spoke and hearing his voice after so long made him instantly look at him.

_God, he missed him_ , was his first thought as he looked at him.

“I just want to tell you that I _never_ meant to hurt you. It happened without even realizing it, really. And there were so many moments in when really wanted to tell you, I swear—”

“Why didn’t tell me then? Why didn’t you just tell the truth? When did it even started?” Beomgyu asked so desperately.

Soobin gulped and exhaled without saying steadily, “It started at the beginning of the summer. And as to why we lied… We felt that you wouldn’t take it well, that we had to ease the idea into your mind before officially telling you. We were wrong, though. There weren’t any good moments and just like this, it as back to school, Junnie hyung was leaving and we hadn’t told you anything. And I regret it so much Gyu. I should have told you since the first day I started having feelings for Yeonjun. I was just scared, Gyu.”

“You’re my best friend, Soobin. You can’t just hide this kind of stuff. Not now, _not ever_.” Beomgyu muttered, upset. He just had to say it once, now it was out, and he could move on from the lying.

“I know, I’m sorry… I was afraid you’d feel like I was replacing you or something. Which would _never_ happen, by the way.” Soobin pressed, “I could never be able to replace you. You’re my best friend and soulmate. No matter how I feel for Yeonjun hyung, he knows that _nothing_ could replace what you and I have” Soobin said firmly and Yeonjun nodded pitifully next to him.

“I want to make sure that you know that no matter what relationship I have with hyung, you have your say in all of it. I know I said that the world didn’t resolve around you, but you still are what brought us together and one of the most important people in both of our lives, so... I mean, we wouldn’t want to break up for that, obviously but you’re still one of our priority, Gyu. And we should respect your opinion.”

Beomgyu took in everything that was said to him.

He really hadn’t expected to feel this… lighter after talking to them; he thought he would lose them both.

Now the ball was in his course. They were open to his opinion, something that he now realized no one never did.

“I’m fine with you two being together.”

The shock on both of their faces was almost comical.

He wiped his tears. He was done crying now. He had to man up and deal with it, like Taehyun had said.

“It will need some get used to, but I realized that I couldn’t let my life resolve around you. Because it’s just putting a pressure on myself and on you two. Hyung,” Yeonjun’s eyebrows rose, when he addressed to him, “You’ve clearly been so burdened by this image of perfection and I apologize for never realizing that it must be as hard for me to be your shadow that it must have been for you to be the sun.”

Yeonjun whined, “ _Please_ stop referring yourself as my shadow, Gyu. You’re more than that.” And Beomgyu actually chuckled making the couple look even more shocked.

He was going to be okay. He could fix this. He believed in himself enough for that.

“I know I’m more than that, hyung. Someone helped me realizing it…” he smiled fondly in memory before taking a big breath, “It’ll be hard to stop thinking lowly of myself when people constantly do so, but I want you to know that it’s not your fault hyung. You’re amazing and deserve the praises. I hope that Soobin helps you deal with all of it.”

“I will, don’t worry.” Soobin nodded hastily, eyes still round.

“And regarding you, Soobinie. Regarding us… I accept your apology. I understand that I’m not the easiest person to tell hard things to. It must have been hard for you to keep everything in and I’m sure that it wasn’t easy not to be able to tell me about all of this between us two.” Beomgyu smiled softly.

“Gyu…” Soobin started tearing up from how touched he was by the words. “You don’t have to apologize. I’m just happy that you’re so understanding,” Beomgyu grinned even harder.

“Of course, I am Binnie. You and hyung are also my favorite people in the whole wide world.” _Along with someone else, most likely but maybe hit was too soon to say_ , ‘I want you to be happy.” He put it simply.

It was enough for the two to share a look before walking across the room to tackle him in a huge hug, cutting his breath momentarily from the impact.

They were both crying in his shoulder, but it was the best feelings.

He slowly got up, but they wouldn’t get off of him. At least he was in a good position to hug them back fully.

_God_ , he had missed this.

“We missed you so much,” Soobin cried out, “You not talking to me sucked _so much_. Let’s not fight anymore, please.” Beomgyu nodded and tried to hold back more tears trying to escape.

“You became so wise and considerate,” Yeonjun cried in his shoulder and Beomgyu laughed fondly, “I can’t believe how proud I am of you. You’re so grown and mature.”

“Thanks, hyung,” he smiled fully, “I think that talking things out with Taehyun helped me a lot.” He admitted a little shyly.

Soobin nodded, sniffling a little before a small smile drawn, although his eyes were still tearing up.

“Right. You stayed with Taehyun. I’m happy you had him to help you through this.” Soobin said sincerely and Yeonjun finally pulled away. His face was all snotty and tearful, it was too much of a funny sight not to laugh. Beomgyu wheezed out and started cackling at the sight, soon Soobin joined, although he didn’t look any better. Yeonjun looked confused but as soon as Soobin pulled out his phone to show his reflection he laughed along at how messy he looked.

Laughing had never felt so good.

**✜ ✜ ✜**

After that, everything was away better. They had shared all together fried chicken and pizza and played Mario Kart. After some playful banter and heart lighted trash talk, they realized that it was already midnight and that Soobin had some missed calls from his mother so they had decided to do that again the day after. Yeonjun walked Soobin much to both their delights. Before leaving Soobin had given him the tightest hug, to express how happy he was that they had made up and how grateful he felt that they had each other. Beomgyu hugged him back even tighter if that was possible.

It was now nearly 1AM, and he was probably going to regret not going to bed early but he could barely sleep, anyways.

He pulled out his phone and texted Taehyun.

**To: Hyunnie** **🌟**

**We made up!**

**From: Hyunnie** **🌟**

**That’s a relief wow**

**I told you that things would be fixed!**

**I’m happy everything is fine for you, Gyu**

**To: Hyunnie** **🌟**

**I want to say thank you but I feel like simple words don’t express how grateful I am for you**

**From: Hyunnie** **🌟**

**I’ll accept my payment in check or cash**

**Please and thank you**

Beomgyu chuckled at the message fondly. He was whipped.

**To: Hyunnie** **🌟**

**I can only pay you back in kisses and cuddles**

**And a dinner at my home (my mother was dead serious apparently)**

**From: Hyunnie** **🌟**

**Hummmm**

**I’ll have to think about it**

**Can the first part of the agreement be done under twenty-four hours?**

**To: Hyunnie** **🌟**

**Why, _my my_**

**I just checked and**

**Yes. Yes it can**

**From: Hyunnie** **🌟**

**Interesting…**

**I’ll think about it and get back to you.**

**To: Hyunnie** **🌟**

**Lmaooo**

**Alright then**

**(Thank you so much Hyunnie. I mean it** **💓** **)**

**From: Hyunnie** **🌟**

**(Anytime, starlight** **💓** **)**

**Good night!**

(That night, in weeks, both Taehyun and Beomgyu fell asleep knowing that even if they were alone at the moment, they would never truly be lonely.)

**To: Hyunnie** **🌟**

**Good night moonlight** **💓**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are!!! 💓  
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Please leave a small comment to tell me what you liked about the story, I'm not used to write Taegyu,a nd as a writer and moa I feel like it's a ship that hyas such a different vibe from Yeonbin, idk. thought on that? 
> 
> ALSOOOO, I'm considering doing an epilogue just to write about their first date, Yeonbin getting together and maybe the first time Taegyu put a label on their relationship, since it's been implied that they're together but the boyfriend word wasn't pronounced hahah
> 
> tell me what you think about such an epilogue :) 💓

**Author's Note:**

> Oop! A cliffhanger!  
> Tell me how you feel about this chapter :D  
> Please leave some kudos and some love in the comment, it really helps me going as a writter!  
> if you want to talk about it my twt is [@sanspoppinstar](https://twitter.com/sanspoppinstar)


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